Latest Diary Entries

 I’M SORRY MOMMIE

Mommie, you scared me and as I was running away I tripped over my food bowl and most of the food fell out. It was really an accident, Mommie.

I tried really hard to not get up on top of the refrigerator again, but it was just too tempting. I know you had to get off the phone to come to my rescue again, but you did. Sorry Mommie.

Ooepodpofjhglkl. Mommie, when you pushed me off the couch, I thought it would be fun to type on that lap thing. I know you are frustrated when I do this, but you are too uptight and need to loosen up – like me.

The garbage sack accidentally tipped over as I was running by. Those pieces of used paper towels looked yummy. That is why I keep chasing them around the room. I hope they don’t chase back. It really, really was an accident. I will try not to let it happen again.

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR  

Sparky’s people sister, Melanie, is four years old.  Most of the time when he comes his mommie doesn't bring her because Sparky’s people mommie said she couldn't handle two brats at the same time.

Yesterday Sparky's mommie came over without him but with Melanie.  Mommie said this is the third year Melanie is going through something called "the terrible twos".  I can vouch for that.  The whole time she was here she was trying to pet (hit?) me.  It really was hard pats on my head and back.  If they had come from someone bigger than Melanie, I would have a horrible headache yet today.   

Besides the “pats” on the head Melanie liked to pull my tail.  I wish she had a tail so I could pull back.  Melanie, that hurt.  Sparky's mommie yelled at Melanie but it was too late.  She got in another "pat" and tail pull before her mommie picked her up and apologized to my Mommie for the way her daughter treated me.  Mommie said "Oh, it was nothing.  Don't worry about it because it probably didn't hurt too much anyway."  

Mommie, if you don't mind, it DID hurt and my tail will never be the same.  Too bad Mommie wouldn't let me scratch her.  I don't want to see that kid until she is twenty, if she isn't in jail for cruelty to animals by then and then on to become a serial killer.  (At least that is what the crime shows on TV claim – most serial killers begin by abusing animals.) 

IN TROUBLE – AGAIN  

I am in trouble as I look down from the top of the refrigerator.  It took every muscle in my body to get up on the kitchen counter and then up here.  Now, how do I get down?

I didn’t notice the forks tines pointing up in the dish rack when I went up, but from up here, they look painful.  I don’t know if I can jump down without hurting myself.  MEOW MEOW (cat language for help, help!!!) 

Mommie got me down.  Again some of those naughty words, but not too loud.  I think she thought it was funny, not something to waste anger on.  Mommie is learning.

I’VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND!  I’VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND! 

Mommie doesn’t know it yet, but I have a girlfriend.  One of the outside cats has teamed up with me.  We have been having a great old time this last week.  She taught me a thing or two about outdoor living. 

Her name is Calico and she has lived here since she was born.  Her mommie (the outdoor mommie) came here four or five years ago and adopted my Mommie.  Mommie wasn’t ready for a cat at that time because she was so wrapped up in her darling Woffier.  But Calico said my Mommie couldn’t let such a nice looking cat starve so she began feeding her.  As they say, the rest is history.

Calico’s mommie has had six litters of kittens in that time.  Woffier killed most of her babies — he wasn’t mean, the babies just couldn’t play back when he tried to play with them.

Calico is two years old.  She just had her second litter of babies about four months ago.  Three of those babies have survived.   She proudly pointed out which babies were hers. 

As I said Calico and I have a good time.  Yesterday I thought I would put the move on her.  She politely declined by hissing at me.  I don’t want to lose her friendship so I will wait until she is more “in the mood.”

I dreamed about Calico last night.

I’M HUNGRY!!!  

It’s my dinner time and what is Mommie doing?  She is hanging a picture on the kitchen wall.  Yes she got it for her birthday a while ago, and yes, it is pretty, BUT it’s MY dinnertime!  She stood on that stool for at least five minutes trying to get the picture level.  Her sisters and Sparky’s mommie warned her that it is dangerous to stand on that stool. 

Sometimes if I rub on her legs she will get going faster.  When I rubbed on her legs, she almost fell off the stool but instead of falling off the stool she dropped the picture which had a ceramic frame on it.  It broke into a million pieces.  I think I am in T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

I scurried over to my pouting corner and just sat waiting for my punishment and bad words.  They didn’t come.  Instead Mommie came over and picked me up and petted me.  She said she knew it was my dinner time and she should have prepared my dinner before she hung the picture.  She put down a mat and presented my dinner to me in the living room.

Mommie also said she had to clean up the mess so I wouldn’t get cut with the ceramic shards on the floor.  Mommie is wonderful.

 MY NEW DIET  

Dr. Candie said I was getting too fat.  She ought to look in the mirror.  She is no string bean either.  Dr. Candie told Mommie if I didn't slow down eating, I would get too heavy.  Mommie said she didn't think it is a problem because I use up a lot of energy playing.

When Mommie told Dr. Candie how much I ate every day, she just whistled.  She said I should only eat about half of what I do.  But I'm hungry.

So Mommie took her advice and cut down on my meals a little.  I know Mommie likes to eat and she is not model-slender either.  That is why I think Mommie will relent and keep giving me what I think I really need -- more food!  Mommie is a real patsy when it comes to me – I think she loves me a lot.

THE CAT MOMMY BENCH 

We don’t live very far from the park.  Sometimes Mommie takes me to the park two or three times a week in the morning.  Other cat mommies come to the park at the same time.  They all get together to discuss the latest cat episodes that their individual cats do each week.  In other words, they compare notes.

Mommie says she learns a lot from these unofficial “meetings”.  One of the projects the mommies have is to keep the cat part of the park neat and clean.  Everyone always mentions how much cleaner the cat side is compared to the dog side of the park.

Hey mommies:  cats are naturally cleaner than dogs.  Have you ever watched a cat for more than fifteen minutes (while the cats are awake) and NOT noticed that the cats are working on their self cleaning?  The group consensus is that cats are pretty clean animals. 

Most of the cat mommies come by themselves and their cats.  They don’t bring their brats (I mean children).  And all the mommies do is gossip.  At one point during the sessions, someone brings up a cat issue almost every time.

DIET -- DAY THREE  

Mommie couldn't stand it when I meowed loudly by my dinner dish.  She gave me extra dry food because she thinks I won't eat it because it is too hard to chew.  Guess what Mommie?  My teeth are a lot sharper since Mommie last reported on my eating habits.  And, I like the new dry food.

Mommie also gave me a little piece of hamburger when she ate.  Dr. Candie warned Mommie about giving me people food.  But, Dr. Candie, Mommie thinks I am a real person.  Ha Ha to you Dr. Candie!!!

MISSING:  ONE BRA 

Before Mommie takes a shower she always lays out her clothes neatly on the bed.  Today while she was showering, I noticed a pretty red bra.  It had neat hooks, lace, elastic straps, and places to hold onto.  My favorite kind of toy.

Of course, I grabbed it and took off.  It tried to cling to the bed, but my paws were stronger.  Around and around I went with it.  So much fun!

I heard Mommie turn off the shower so I thought I had better get it back or at least near the bed.  No such luck.  It was stuck behind the living room TV.  I stashed it down so you really can’t see it from the front or even from the side.

When she went to get dressed, she looked and looked but couldn’t find it. When she finally looked at me I played my most charming “who, me?”  She said she knew I had done something with it, but she just sighed and said she would just wear the black one.  Gotta keep that hiding place in mind.

THE DIET PEPSI BOX  

The hole in the 12 pack Diet Pepsi box was too tempting because I like exploring.  When I jumped in the hole I didn’t quite know what to expect.  Because one can of pop was still in the box it got caught in my feet and I couldn’t move forward or backward.  I was stuck!!

MEOW, MEOW, MEOW.  The more I struggled the worse it got.  Finally, the box turned over on its side and I was in complete darkness.  MEOW, MEOW, MEOW.  Mommie come quick!  Luckily Mommie was listening to me.  Actually, I think she was watching me the whole time and laughing inside.  She didn’t scold or use bad words, she just said, “I hope you learned your lesson.”  Whatever that means.

“PET” NAMES  

The outdoor cats tell me Mommie had a “pet” name for her darling Woffier.  She used to call him “fat baby”.  She wouldn’t allow anyone else to refer to his weight like that but she said he was HER baby and if she wanted to call him “fat” that was alright.  Apparently Woffier didn’t mind; he just sat and took it.

Mommie, I want my own “pet” name.  Quit calling me “fat baby”.  I am NOT your precious Woffier.  (Mommie’s note:  I suspect a big green-eyed monster is involved here.)  And, p-l-e-a-s-e don’t use anything with “fat” in it.  I am NOT fat.  As the kids would say, I am height challenged.

How about “cutie pie”?  You know I am cute and I probably would like pie – its food isn’t it?

Mommie:  We’ll see.

CAT LANGUAGE  

I have figured out some people language such as No, Here Kitty Kitty, and Loud bad words which means I am in trouble.  Mommie has got my cat language down pretty good by now too.

       a)  Loud Meow – I’m hungry

       b)  Soft Meow – I want attention

       c)  Soft Meow with a purr – I want picked up and petted

       d)  Screechy Meow – I need help Mommie

       e)  Loud Screechy Meow – I need help NOW, Mommie

       f)   YOWL – something hurts like crazy

Only had to use YOWL when Mommie stepped on my tail.

I love Mommie.

 

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24.06 | 17:14

Mommie, I am glad you are back! I was beginning to worry.

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30.03 | 13:11

Other places charge for these. Thanks.

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05.09 | 15:06

Interesting concept. I am sending an envelope with my name, address, and stamp on it so I can receive these for free.

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16.04 | 11:32
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