MY FEEDING BOWL
That fluffy white haired cat on TV that gets his food on a plate is a big, fat, pretentious cat. He needs to go on a diet. I bet Dr. Candie would have a ball with his Mommie.
His food does look yummy though.
Mommie says we can’t afford his food. Besides we would just be paying for that fat cat’s lifestyle. Even though Mommie has a lot to learn, I like the lifestyle I have. And, I love Mommie.
Guess what my food plate looks like. You got that right! It is the tin can my food comes in. Ha Ha
SILLY COUSIN KITTIE
Mommie said she got an email from Auntie Helen. It seemed
all she wrote about was my cousin, Kittie.
Mommie said Kittie likes to have his fur combed. Mommie tried that once (only once) and I ran for cover. I think Mommie needs to use a softer brush. Those big plastic burrs on the brush are
stiff and they hurt! And, I think Auntie Helen uses a comb instead of a brush. Mommie are you listening?
Auntie Helen says Kittie likes to have his ears washed out. Silly cat. What was he listening to that he needed to have his
ears washed out? All of my experiences with water have not been positive. I hope Mommie doesn’t try that because I like my ears just the way they are.
Mommie said that LOUD
and clear. I think I am in t-r-o-u-b-l-e. Mommie invited the pastor and his wife over for supper. She put the good dishes (the fancy glass ones from Wal-Mart – not the plastic everyday ones from Good Will) on the table. She had
a nice vase full of flowers. She even bought a new table cloth.
Unfortunately for me, the table cloth still had the price tag hanging on the long end of the cloth. Mommie was pretty much ignoring me while preparing the meal so I played alone.
I saw the price tag as it was dangling and sort of swaying in the fan breeze. Now that I am a little bigger I can pull a great deal of weight with my sharp teeth and claws.
You guessed it! Kerplunk! I pulled just enough that
the end dishes and filled water glasses came crashing to the floor. I knew I had better disappear for a while into one of my hidey holes – Q-U-I-C-K.
Mommie was crying when the door bell rang. The pastor’s wife helped Mommie
clean up the floor. Fortunately, because the pastor was there, I didn’t have to hear those bad words that Mommie sometimes says when I get in trouble.
When I curled up next to Mommie at night, she petted me and told me it was OK, because
she “should have known that swinging price tag was a temptation”. I love Mommie.
Mommie says I must dream because I jerk my feet when I sleep. I don’t
remember my dreams, but once in a while I have nightmares about the big black cat and Sparky the dog. I must be having the nightmares when Mommie says I jerk so hard I almost fall off my chair by the back door.
Mommie says I snore also.
No chance. I don’t hear a thing. Of course, Mommie says she doesn’t snore either. You and I both know that Mommie snores so loud it sounds like thunder. Ok, so maybe I do snore. So what?
Maybe when I grow up
I will have better dreams and the nightmares might go away.
CAMPING WITH MOMMIE
Mommie and Sparky's mommie went camping because the weekend weather was supposed to be more early fall than late fall. For this
excursion, Mommie bought a pup tent, a back pack, food and water. Of course, Sissy and I went along. Sparky's mommie said it would be too difficult to watch Sparky, Sissy, and Melanie. So she had a baby / dog sitter come over for the weekend.
Mommie and Sparky's mommie trudged through the woods for about an hour. Sissy and I got to ride in the back packs. It was kind of confining, but at least we didn't have to walk. Sissy and I did our little cat sign language the whole time we
were in the back packs.
When we got to the camp ground we couldn't wait to get out so we could pummel each other to the ground. On the way to the camp ground Sissy made a lot of insensitive gestures which made it necessary that I should make them
Mommie and Sparky's mommie laughed at us playing together. Hey look, it wasn't really playing. Sissy was hitting me and I was hitting her. She is bigger so she hit harder. I hollered "uncle" after about three minutes of this
"play time". Why do people holler "uncle" when they want to quit and give up?
Our mommies made a great supper of hot dogs, potato chips, pickles, and bananas. Of course, Sissy and I got side bites throughout the meal. Sissy burped
and Sparky's mommie shushed her (ha ha).
Later our mommies put up the tent and we settled down for the night. Mommie and Sparky's mommie told ghost stories. Good thing I don't believe in ghosts or I would have been scared. Pretty soon
the stories turned goofy, so we all went to bed.
The tent was rather crowded. Mommie is not small and neither is Sissy. It kind of evened itself out when I slept on Mommie's shoulder and Sissy slept at her mommie's feet.
We woke early
the next morning and the mommies decided we had had enough camping. Mommie said the next time she wants to rough it she will go to a Motel 6. At least they have indoor bathrooms there.
DO I HAVE BULIMIA?
Mommie thinks I have bulimia because sometimes I barf after I eat. Mommie took me to see Dr. Candie. Dr. Candie suggested that maybe I was so hungry that I ate too fast. She suggested that Mommie feed me three or four times a day with
snacks in between instead of the two times a day that she does now. But, of course, the meals would have to be smaller. I didn’t like the word “smaller”.
Mommie took her advice and now feeds me three times a day, plus snacks
in between the meals. My favorite snack is a dry outside-moist inside fish-shaped goodie. It is about half an inch wide and an inch tall. It really tastes like a fish – I think, since I don’t know if I have ever tasted a real
fish. It is called “Something Fishy”. I’m hoping she can find something called “Something Beefy”. Yeah!
DO I LOOK YOUNGER?
Mommie has lots of “beauty
products” on the vanity in the bathroom. Personally I don’t think she needs them, but what do I know, I am just a cat.
Every night after she finishes using her “secret weapons” she puts them away all in a row in the order
she uses them (OCD?). Last night when she was almost finished putting the stuff away, the phone rang. She talked for at least a half hour to her friend with the cat hating boyfriend. She still hasn’t made the decision – cat or
Mommie tried very hard to convince her that her cat has been with her for many years and the boyfriend for only a few months. Mommie reminded her that if she chooses the boyfriend, she will have to give up her cat and probably
will never get another cat in the entire time the relationship continues – this could be the remainder of her life if she marries him.
Mommie forgot (old age – ha ha) that she hadn’t finished putting her beauty rescue products away.
Of course, you know what happened next. I made it my business to play with the jar of anti-aging cream that was still open and not put away. I dipped my left paw into the jar and got the cream on my paw and then the jar fell on its side.
When I tried to upright the jar my right paw got into the mess too.
When I tried to jump on the bed with Mommie, she balked and refused to let me on the bed. Mommie went to the vanity and cleaned up the mess. Then she began working
to clean me up. It was a real challenge.
My paws are looking younger already!
THE HALLWAY SHUFFLE
Mommie: The hallway shuffle is that time when you meet someone in the hallway and both
of you move in the same direction until one of you stops and lets the other one pass. Well, Sparkles carried this to the extreme the other day. He tried to block me.
Mommie knew it was my dinnertime and here she was sneaking into the bedroom
to watch "Wheel of Fortune" WITHOUT FEEDING ME FIRST. As she went down the hallway, I got in her way and wouldn't let her go forward. She moved one way and I moved the same way, blocking her path. We kept at this for about 10 seconds and
then she just stepped right over me
She mumbled something about treats in the bedroom "to tide me over" till she got my meal ready. I appreicated the treats, but dinner would have been better. Aren't tides by the ocean?
I still love Mommie.
WHAT IS MY REAL NAME?
Mommie said my name is Sparkles, but when she calls me to come to her she says here kitty, kitty, kitty.
Mommie explained it this way.
My formal name is Sparkles, but she is using my middle name, Kitty, when she calls to me. She says when she introduces me to people she says “this is Sparkles.” Confusing. I have learned to come when she does say here kitty, kitty.
And, I know that “Puffy Cat” is my special name.
OK, WHO STEPPED IN MY FOOD?
It was a warm autumn evening. Mommie decided to eat outside at the umbrella table so she brought my dish
of food outside too.
I started to eat and then got distracted by some birds that were fighting about twenty feet away. I thought I could go over and settle their differences. As soon as I got within ten feet they both flew
away and decided to finish their fight somewhere else.
When I got back to my dinner, (supper? – it was 6:30 p.m.) I looked at my dish and realized something had stepped in my food. I looked at Mommie to see if she knew anything about it.
She looked back as if to say: “What are you looking at? I haven’t seen anything.” Then she spotted “the step”. Mommie said “It looks like a BIG cat walked in your food.”
We both looked around and didn’t see anything with a paw that big. Mommie became real curious then. She got up and looked behind the house and then behind the garage. All at once she saw a coon licking his front paw. He was
BUSTED. Mommie told me to let it go, because I was no match for the coon.
Of course, I didn’t listen to Mommie. I chased the coon. He started to run and then he turned around and came back at me. Boy, did I run. Fortunately
Mommie was there to catch me. I love Mommie.
PLAY TIME IN THE LEAVES
Last week end Mommie was raking the leaves around the house. She said since it hasn’t rained for a while, she
didn’t want the leaves to be near the house in case there was a fire somewhere.
The pile ended up about 10 feet in front of the house. The pile must have been at least four feet high. Calico and Snowball invited me to play in the leaves
with them. It was fun. Mommie’s wheel barrow was parked near the pile so Mommie could haul the leaves down to the creek.
You guessed it! We figured out that if we got in the wheel barrow and then jumped into the pile, there was
a soft landing. Wheeee! We were having a ball.
At first Mommie was a little upset that we were spreading the leaves around. Then she got into the spirit of the play and when we jumped into the pile she would throw hands full of leaves
on us. A couple of times I actually had to dig my way out of the leaf pile.
Mommie and I were tired at the end of the day.
I’M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A BATH
Mommie has this jug of laundry
detergent sitting on the bathroom vanity. This jug has a spout on it that is covered with a measuring cap. All Mommie has to do is take the cap off and push the button and she gets laundry detergent into the cup.
Yesterday when Mommie
was filling the cap, she got interrupted by a phone call from Sparky’s mommie – something about Sissy breaking a mirror. Anyway, she forgot to put the cap back on.
Of course, this was too much of a temptation. I got up on the
vanity and pushed the button and detergent came pouring out. I kept pushing the button.
By the time Mommie got back into the bathroom, I had skedaddled to my pouting corner to clean my paws. It was a loosing battle. I couldn’t
get the soap off and the lilac scent smelled too sweet.
Mommie saw my footprints in the mess and she went looking for me by tracking the footprints. She found me and tried to wipe the extra soap off me, but it was too much. Mommie called
Dr. Candie to find out what to do. Dr. Candie was out but her partner Dr. Bill said I had to have a bath. If Mommie left the soap on too long, it could get into my skin and cause a rash especially if it was scented detergent.
I had a bath
– enough said.