I NEED AIR (Puff, puff, puff)
Since the weather has turned cold and the heater is on, cheap ole Mommie turns the heater on LOW at night. She covers up with a big, thick blanket.
as I was sleeping next to Mommie on the pillow, Mommie kept scrunching lower and lower into the blanket. For some reason I followed her lower into the blanket. I didn’t think I needed a blanket because my fur keeps me pretty warm since I
have my winter coat on now.
About 1 o’clock I woke up and realized I was UNDER the blanket. I tried to get out. Since it was dark under the blanket, I couldn’t see where I was going. Apparently I was getting lower
and lower and my turning around and around wasn’t helping any. All at once my shenanigans woke up Mommie.
She looked at the pillow and realized I was gone. Then she saw the blanket moving. She almost screamed until she realized
it was me. MEOW MEOW MEOW Mommie, please hurry, I need air. Mommie pulled me out as I gasped for air (Puff, puff, puff).
Mommie to the rescue again.
SNOWBALL IS JUST A FRIEND – OR IS SHE?
Since I got back from being “fixed”, I have been having second thoughts about Snowball. She is a looker, but I just don’t feel like pursuing her any more. Worst of all, she leads the outdoor cats in their dislike of me.
I thought we could at least be friends.
Mommie had been letting Snowball come in the house and eat with me. Yesterday when Mommie saw how mean Snowball was, she kicked her out of the house – literally. Mommie doesn’t like mean.
She says Snowball can eat outside with the rest of the traitors.
Mommie is sort of concerned with how the outdoor cats have been treating me. She doesn’t want me to go outside unless she is home to protect me. Since I enjoy being outside
(without the outdoor cats around) Mommie said I can play outside when she is home.
I can still get in lots of trouble outside all by myself. I can chase birds, bees, and butterflies. I like to sniff around plants and bugs or animals (snails,
turtles, etc.) all by myself. It is no fun to share that activity with anyone anyway.
Every morning Mommie gets on the scale to weigh me. She says she is just trying to keep
MY weight under control.
This morning Mommie cried when she got off the scale with me. Comparing the weight with yesterday, she said either I had gained weight or she had gained weight. Mommie took another look at me and said, “I
know you didn’t gain five pounds overnight.” She didn’t get on the scale again – she didn’t want to know. She continued crying. I tried to console her but she kept ranting and raving. No bad words,
just sobbing. Poor Mommie.
GETTING TO KNOW KITTIE
Mommie says Auntie Helen keeps talking about her “Kittie”. Mommie thought it would be a good idea for Kittie and me to meet each other.
Just so I could learn a few things from Kittie since he is apparently perfect.
Mommie and Auntie Helen went on Skype and talked to each other. They could both see each other. So Mommie got me to sit with her in front of the computer and
Auntie Helen had Kittie there with her.
Mommie and Auntie Helen each kept going on and on about how cute, how clever, how smart each of their cats were. While they were busy chatting, Kittie and I exchanged special cat looks.
Kittie said all he did was hang out. If he wanted food all he had to do was meow a certain way and food would be on its way.
One thing Kittie told me to never do is to let Mommie have the vacuum cleaner in use when I am around. He said that
thing s-u-c-k-s – literally. Kittie said if he wants something special all he has to do is make his mommie feel guilty about something – anything. Kittie says guilt goes a long way. But don’t overdo it.
Then all of
a sudden the screen went blank. Mommie heard Auntie Helen yell at Kittie to get off the computer – too late Kittie had already hit the wrong button. She said they would probably talk another day soon.
Yesterday Mommie was taking lots of pictures of me to send to the relatives. She claims me as her kid. She is probably as proud of me as some people are of their people children.
Her flash camera is automatic and
keeps shooting pictures (and flashes) every time she presses the button. After about seven or eight pictures, I started getting woozy from the flashes. Intermittent flashes are worse than continuous bright light. It reminded me of the
ceiling fan turning around and around.
All at once I began walking like I was drunk – at least that is what Mommie said. What is being drunk? It must not be too good because Mommie’s words sounded important. When
she saw me walking crazily she stopped taking pictures for a while.
I hope several of them turn out pretty good. All the pictures in the house have Woffier in them. Mommie said she is going to replace the biggest picture of Woffier with
one of me if they turn out OK.
I will be a star!
FIRST SNOW FALL
It Snowed!! It’s the first part of December and since Mommie was home she thought I should experience snow fun.
According to Mommie this may be the only snow of the year because in northeast Texas it doesn’t snow much or often.
She took me outside and since the other cats were nowhere around she let me play in the snow. Brrr. Mommie, it’s
c-o-l-d out here. I like it better in the house. To please Mommie I ran around the yard a couple times. After a while, it began to be fun. I chased my tail and plopped down in the snow. Mommie said I was making snow cat angels.
One of the little kittens, who was about six weeks old, had strayed from his Mommie. So I took him under my arm (so to speak) and played with him. We had a ball. The little kitten didn’t know to treat me bad or hiss at me – he hadn’t
been trained by the bigger cats yet. We had such a good time.
Later Mommie said that if I wanted to have that little kitten as a playmate she would try to tame it so he could come in the house. I don’t know if I want anyone else to
have a hold on Mommie like I do. We’ll see.
MOMMIE: DON’T GO BACK TO CRACKER BARREL
Mommie, the last time you went to this barrel full of crackers you brought home a new toy for yourself.
You didn’t have to do that because I have plenty of toys to share with you.
You just HAD to have that tiny little white lamb with the push button on it. It really looks neat on your key chain. It is really, really cute.
UNTIL Mommie presses the button. A blue light comes on and a really LOUD b-a-a-a comes out of its mouth. The first time she did that it almost scared the you-know-what out of me. I almost peed on the spot.
Mommie has done this to me
about ten times now – it doesn’t get any better. It still scares me.
Quit it Mommie.
PICKING THE CHRISTMAS TREE
Mommie took me with her when she went to get a Christmas tree.
From what she was saying, I think I might have a ball with this one. I had to stay in the car while she went looking because she didn’t want to have to lug the cat carrier around the Christmas tree lot.
Two little boys, about seven or eight,
came by the window of the car and waved at me. They were smiling because they knew that they were going to get a tree, too. Three boys in their early teens came by and gave a salute. Mommie told me what the one finger salute meant and that
made me mad. I snarled and hissed at them even though I was in the car and they couldn’t get to me. They went away laughing like crazy. Kids!!
Mommie put the tree in the car and we drove home. All the way home Mommie was
singing Christmas carols along with the radio. Mommie, you know you sing off key. I was surprised that the tree was kind of small, especially for the space Mommie had pointed out earlier where she was going to put it. Why do they call songs
like Mommie was singing carols? Why not Cindys or Patsys?
Mommie dragged the tree out of the car and pulled my carrier along the driveway to the house. Mommie put the tree on a real high table – something she called bar height.
I don’t think she wants me near the tree. She put it in a special dish for trees and filled the dish with water. She said the tree must have water at all times.
Two nights later, a friend and Mommie did what they called “decorating
the tree.” Between nips of spiked cider they had a ball. They put little colored balls on the tree and some very tempting silver tinsel rope around the tree. The last thing they did was put a string of lights on the tree – beautiful
white lights. It looked wonderful!!
Guess what Mommie. I can get up close to the tree by jumping on the couch, then on the bookcase, and then over to the tree table. Last night when you were sleeping I got caught on some of the pine
needles and one stuck in my foot for a while. Ouch! I think I will stay away from that tree – it hurts.
Mommie can’t believe I haven’t tried to undecorate the tree. That is my secret, Mommie.
On December 23rd a group of singers from Mommie’s church came by and did what they called caroling. They sang several Christmas songs and offered Christmas blessings to us. Don’t
tell Mommie, but they sing a heck of a lot better than she does.
Mommie must have known they were coming because she had hot chocolate and cookies ready to give to the carolers when she invited them in. At that time she apparently forgot I was
around and one of the ornery older boys started teasing me. He must have come prepared because he put a particularly potent catnip toy in front of me.
One of the boys said he was going to hypnotize me. He kept swinging that catnip
toy back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I got woozy. Mommie caught them just before I threw up. She scolded them a little bit but she was happy they had kept me company while she was playing hostess.
They sang Santa type
songs on their way out. And, Mommie gave me a whole cookie for myself. Oooh I love Christmas.
Mommie told me this great story about Santa Claus. She first told me about
him the first part of December. I guess she thought I might be a better kitty and not get into too much trouble if I thought I wouldn’t get any presents for Christmas. I love presents.
The tree was trimmed and stockings were hung on
the mantle. Mommie had one for me too. Apparently Sparky and Sissy are scheduled to attend some kind of party tonight or tomorrow because there were stockings for them too.
Mommie and I made Christmas cookies yesterday. She said
we were going to set some out for Santa and I wasn’t to touch them or go anywhere near the milk and cookies. Mommie, you know I have a problem with temptation especially if it involves food. But I want to see what I might get for Christmas
so I am really trying to be a good boy.
I tried to stay up and see this Santa person come through the chimney because the story Mommie told about him said he would come that way. I kept staring at the milk and cookies and finally I just slumped
over and went to sleep. Good thing, too, because about 11:30 I heard this rustle by the front door and in came a really, really, big man with a white beard. He thought I was asleep and he sneaked over to the mantle and put presents in the
stockings. He ate all the cookies and milk. He should have left them for me because he is so fat.
So much for the chimney part of the story.
About six in
the morning Mommie got up to fix some Christmas dinner. Same story with the turkey as there was for Thanksgiving. This time I knew I liked the drumstick the best. Why do they call it a drumstick?
Around nine, Sparky. Sissy and their
people mommie knocked on the door. Of course Melanie was there too. Sparky was wearing a funny red bow. I wouldn’t let Mommie put a bow on me. I didn’t want to look as silly as Sparky. Soon after they came we opened
presents. I got a lighted ball, some real special (high-priced) cat food, new catnip toys and lots of wrapping paper. At least I thought all the wrapping paper was all for me.
Sparky’s mommie got a little upset when I started
shredding the wrapping paper. Apparently, she saves the paper to use next year and here I was making paper mache out of it.
All in all it was a pretty good day. Sparky, Sissy, Melanie and I each played with our new toys. Since I was
hogging the wrapping paper, Sparky kind of sulked because I know he wanted to play with it too. But I think he knows how his mommie cherishes wrapping paper and he didn’t DARE play with it. I stuck my tongue out at Sparky several times and
mouthed ha ha ha.
The presents were already here so I didn’t have to be good any more.
Today Mommie took an inventory of her socks and wash cloths. She was wondering
why she has so many mateless socks and why she only had ten wash cloths left.
The lonely socks included, a red one, two with pink toes (but different brands), one with blue toes, and two with high top ribbing (each a different length). Missing
were three white wash cloths, a blue one, and her favorite green one.
Of course, she looked directly at me. Mommie’s stare is intimidating. Before I fessed up I pointed out several lost socks right under the bed. Those were not
my doing. What she was really looking for is my hidden stash. I’m not going to tell her. She is going to have to find it. I MIGHT bring out several lost socks and wash cloths so she thinks I am bringing them back.
I have GOT to find his hidey hole. I could really use my red bra some times. Unfortunately, I know you-know-who is not going to cooperate. He thinks it is a game.
Isn’t it a game?
Mommie is real excited. She is going to have a New Years Eve party. She said about twelve people were coming. Also invited were Sparky and Sissy because Mommie wanted me to have some fun too.
Before the party
Mommie made sandwiches and other things she called canapés. The canapes smelled really good because they had liver pate on them. I LIKE liver. Mommie told me in no uncertain terms to “STAY AWAY FROM THE CANAPES”.
She said I could have the leftovers if there were any.
Mommie made something she called “punch”. She said it was orange juice and pineapple juice, spiked with carbonated water. She said I could have milk in the kitchen with Sissy
When Mommie was not looking at the food table, Sissy jumped up on the table and started licking the liver pate off the canapés (Sissy didn’t hear the same lecture I did). Most of the guests saw this and stayed away from
the canapés. They ate all the other cheese and ham sandwiches. They loaded their plates with pickles, cherry tomatoes and celery sticks stuffed with peanut butter.
Other guests arrived and the guests who saw Sissy warned them about
the canapés. Everybody knew but Mommie. Finally, one of her friends told Mommie about Sissy and the canapés. Mommie had been wondering why no one was eating them. The canapés quickly disappeared off the table.
She brought in some fancy crackers and a new bowl of liver pate that was waiting in the refrigerator. Guests took the lid off the liver pate and got a dab to put on the crackers and then closed the lid again.
Honest Mommie, I didn’t encourage
Sissy to do that, but I didn’t discourage her either.