More Winter - Brrr!

NEW YEARS DAY  

It was about noon when Mommie and I got up on New Years Day.  We were still recovering from the party the night before.  The last guest didn’t leave until two in the morning.

The only food I got for breakfast and dinner was liver pate.  It was good, but after a while a little liver goes a long way.  Mommie ate the leftover sandwiches and veggies.  By two in the afternoon we were ready for football.  Mommie watched and I slept.  Football is boring and I was too tired to do anything else.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

WHO IS THAT WOMAN? 

She says she is my Mommie, but that woman has reddish blonde/gray hair.  My Mommie has blonde/gray hair.   She smells like Mommie, but she sure doesn’t look like Mommie.

When Mommie left this morning she said she was going to the beauty shop.  Is this a shop where you buy beauty?   

I am beginning to doubt that this is Mommie.  Her eyes look funny, they have blue/green stuff on her eyelids and her eyebrows almost look red.  Her fingernails look long and sharp.  They have this awful looking purple on them with sparkles sprinkled on top.  If this is Mommie I hope she doesn’t use those nails on me.

On top of all that, when she took her shoes off, this woman’s toenails were painted a dull green with a tinge of tan (shall we say vomit colored).   You have probably guessed by now, that I don’t like this outside version of my Mommie.  I liked her gray/blonde hair, stubby fingernails, plain looking eyes, and toenails that look like toenails. 

Mommie said she got a gift certificate for the spa treatment from her best friend for Christmas.  She says she has to keep it all on until after she visits her.  Apparently, Mommie is not all that comfortable with all that “glamour”.  Mommie said she was going to see her friend tomorrow.  She didn’t think she could pretend too much longer.

I want my REAL Mommie back.

BLUE LIPS  

Yesterday when Mommie came home from town, she looked at me and wondered “what is the matter with you?   She said I had blue lips.  She felt all over me to see if I was cold or something. 

The “something” was blue ink.  When she was away I got on top of the desk and rummaged around in the desk drawer (which Mommie had left open just a little) and I found the blue ink pens.  Somehow while sucking on the tips of several blue ink pens, I must have gotten the ink all over my lips.

She took me to the mirror to show me how silly I looked.  Yikes!  I did look sick.  Good thing I hadn’t sucked on the tips of the green ink pens.  Mommie said It would wear off after a while even though the ink pens say “permanent ink.” 

Is nothing permanent?

 GETTING CRAFTY

One of Mommie’s friends is an elderly lady who brings her knitting every time she comes over.  When she was here yesterday, I looked into her knitting bag.  Mommie chased me away.  She knew there were things in there that could be real enticing to me. 

Unfortunately, when the lady left she forgot her knitting bag.  And Mommie didn’t see it until it was too late.  When Mommie wasn’t looking I kind of sidled over to the bag to see what I could have fun with.  Red ball of yarn!  Yes!  My favorite color.  I reached in the bag and pulled out the ball of red yarn.  There was a yellow ball and a blue ball, but they both had long pointed things in them that the lady called needles.  They actually looked dangerous.  I may be silly, but I am not stupid.  I left those balls alone.

Whenever I am real quiet and Mommie doesn’t hear me playing with something, she comes to look.  Of course, the ball of yarn didn’t make any noise.  But by the time she found me, the yarn had caught me.  I pulled the end out and as I romped around on the floor unrolling the yarn and playing with it, the yarn started winding around me.  I don’t know how that happened, but it did and I was a mess.

As soon as she saw me, Mommie started laughing because she thought it was funny.  I didn’t because I couldn’t get away from that yarn.  Mommie knew she couldn’t unwind it without it getting tangled, so she just cut it.  Mommie first put up the knitting bag so I couldn’t reach it and then she called her friend.  She said the ball had the color tag on it so she was going to the fabric store and replace it for the lady.

Actually I look good in red!

YOUR TASTES ARE TOO EXPENSIVE 

Mommie said my tastes are too expensive.  She said I have caviar tastes and she has a bean burrito budget.

FYI Mommie.  I don’t even like caviar.  You brought some home from a party several weeks ago and I couldn’t stand the smell of the stuff.  You finally had to give it to the outdoor cats.  And, I don’t particularly like bean burritos either.  There must be a message here somewhere.

Mommie NO.  Cats are considered carnivores which mean we eat meat, not vegetables.  I hate beans.  And, you know what happens at night if I (or you) have had beans for supper.  The last time you gave me beans, you made me sleep in my rocker that night.  You said you couldn’t stand the “aroma”.

Mommie got the message the first time she only gave me dry cat food for the entire day.  I moped around and refused to eat all of the dry stuff although I did take a few bites.  When Mommie gave the outdoor cats some milk that day, I drank with them when they would let me.  The second day I still moped around winding around her legs whenever possible – all in hopes of getting my daily can of ocean fish. 

Compromise:  Mommie mixed half the can of ocean fish with the dry stuff.  That actually didn’t taste too bad.  Not good, but not bad either.  She began putting less and less ocean fish into the bowl and by the end of two weeks, I rather liked the dry stuff all by itself.

Dr. Candie would be so pleased.

THE NEWEST NEIGHBORS 

Mommie said new neighbors moved in two houses down.  They put up a “goat fence” to keep their goats in the front yard.  Mommie thinks the fence and the goats make the neighborhood seem “cheap”. 

Of course the goat fence couldn’t keep me out.  I went over to meet the goats.  They are actually pretty friendly.  At least they didn’t chase me away.  I met one of the goats – he said he was a ram – because he is a boy and will have horns when he gets older.  He said his name was Ramos.

Pretty soon Ramos and I were having a good old time playing.  He is only four months old, but he is a lot bigger than me.  One time I got on his back and rode a while.  He said he didn’t really mind.  His hair is really soft and I feel comfy.

I like the neighbors, especially Ramos.

KITTY PLAY TIME    

Yesterday Sparky’s mommie brought Sissy over for Mommie to keep an eye on her while she took Sparky to the vet.  This meant that there were two cats in the house.

What could possibly go wrong!  Ha.  We were playing a cat version of people tag which was fun.  Then we went into the bathroom and looked around – probably for trouble.  Mommie has fancy faucets on the sink, the kind that push up to turn on.  Sissy spotted the faucets first and she egged me to get up on the vanity.  That’s when it went downhill. 

Sissy tricked me and she pushed me into the sink.  That would have been ok except Sissy had turned the soap dispenser on its side and soap leaked out into the sink.  I got all wet and the water kept coming out.  Pretty soon she was wet too and the water was flowing on the floor.

After a while Mommie heard the commotion in the bathroom and came running.  I was all soapy.  Sissy was all wet.  Mommie turned off the faucet wiped off Sissy and put Sissy in the guest bathroom because those faucets turn counter clockwise and are too difficult for a cat to handle.

After drying off the soap and giving me a bath to get the soap residue off of me, Mommie sent me to my pouting corner.

I was upset that Sissy had tricked me.  Mommie could tell I was disappointed.  She explained that often happens when people or cats are away from home. It usually ends up that the one away from home acts up because her mommie can’t see her.  I had just learned a life lesson.

Mommie held me tight that night.  

MOMMIE CRIED  

Last night when Mommie was fixing supper she had this big purple ball on the counter.  She said it makes salads look pretty.  She stuck the knife in it and then she began to cry.

I was in the kitchen getting into things like the garbage so I thought she was mad at me – I was really trying to be a good “Puffy Cat”.  But she kept crying and wiping tears from her eyes.   And, she kept playing with that ball.  I thought maybe she was upset with the ball.

When half the ball rolled onto the floor I went to play with it too.  I didn’t want Mommie to have all the fun.  Uh, not so smart.  That ball had the same kind of odor that Mommie had one morning.  PU.  I let Mommie pick up the ball and wash it off.  I didn’t even want to look at it any more. 

I will go get one of my balls so Mommie can have fun with a ball, too.

UH OH  

Mommie belongs to an old people’s group called the Red Hat Club.  (Mommie said:  “Watch out Sonny.  This club is for women – I suppose men could join if they want to wear purple dresses and red hats – 50 years or older.  Nowadays 50 is the new 40 – or less.) 

Yesterday she brought home some necklaces she had made for several of the members.  Of course they were red and purple.  When Mommie went into the other room to answer the phone she left the necklaces on the door knob where she had hung them to put away later. 

You know my penchant for red – and, purple is real close to red – I just couldn’t resist playing with them.  I had a great time jumping up and pulling on the beads.  They stretched because they were strung with elastic cord.  Uh Oh! I must have pulled too hard because one of the necklaces broke and there were a thousand beads on the floor as well as a frayed elastic cord.  I didn’t stop to play with the beads on the floor.  I skedaddled f-a-s-t.

I don’t quite know why I didn’t think Mommie would come looking for me.  I thought I could hide and it would go away.  Of course she found me in my pouting corner already taking my punishment.  She called me into the bedroom.  She said there was one bead under the bed and she said if I would bring it out she would be happier, and she didn’t say any bad words.

I got the bead for Mommie.  Mommie loves me.

GARBAGE SACKS                 

Mommie has several garbage sacks placed around the house.  One each in the living room, the laundry room, the bathroom, the bedroom, and two in the kitchen.  The extra one in the kitchen is for cans; the others are for burnable garbage.

She keeps them closed pretty tight.  Yesterday when she was gone, I found out I can get into the garbage sack just by tearing the sack.  This is one time I wished I had kept my claws to myself.  PU.  That garbage sack smelled really bad.  Mommie said I had gotten into the sack with the cans and since they had dried food stuck to the cans, it smells the worst.  Poor choice.

I found out it is really not fun to play with the garbage sacks.  Mommie’s clean up time cut into my petting time.  I think I am growing up!

 STRETCHING  

When I stretch out Mommie says I “grow” at least five inches.  Mommie really ought to try it.  Maybe she wouldn’t be so “height challenged” when it comes to her ideal weight.

I just love to stretch.  It feels so relaxing.  When I do it before I do my morning run, it gets me started – just like it does for people runners.  I also do it before I always get into mischief, because it gives me courage.  Mommie says courage like that can get me in trouble.

Mommie says I also yawn when I stretch in the morning.  I do not yawn – I am just stretching my mouth muscles.  Yawning is for the bored and I am not bored.  I am always on the lookout for something new.  

MOMMIE SAID I’M CUTE  

Mommie says I look just like that cute gray kitten shown in the Meow Mix TV commercial.  Unfortunately, I am not crazy about Meow Mix; I like my food out of a can.  It’s sealed and no bugs can get in it. 

One of the outside cats told me that when she lived somewhere else, all she got was crusty, old Meow Mix and sometimes there were bugs in it.  EW!  She said it wasn’t the company’s fault.  It was because her owner couldn’t afford good cat food and she took sacks from the stores when the sacks of food were out of date.  I’m glad my Mommie is rich.  (Mommie: ha ha).

Back to the Meow Mix cats:  I hope I don’t get as fat as that gray one at the end of the commercial.  Mommie said I would probably get fatter because she says I eat too much.  OK, Mommie, just don’t put so much food out.

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24.06 | 17:14

Mommie, I am glad you are back! I was beginning to worry.

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30.03 | 13:11

Other places charge for these. Thanks.

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05.09 | 15:06

Interesting concept. I am sending an envelope with my name, address, and stamp on it so I can receive these for free.

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28.08 | 12:44
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