Really getting to know Sparkles

 THE PRINTER  

Today when Mommie used the printer to print out stuff off the internet, I was trying to help her.  You know, sitting on her lap and occasionally typing a few words in cat language.

It was b-o-r-i-n-g.  So I got off Mommie’s lap and played around the printer.  She really wasn’t paying attention to me at all.  She gets so engrossed in everything she does.

I was on top of the printer and all of a sudden it came to life.  It made weird sounds and it almost sounded like it growled.  I saw the paper go down this little hole and another paper come out the other end.  The noise scared me and the printer did what I would call a little jiggling.  I got off that thing in a hurry.

Mommie said if I ruined that page I was going to be in big trouble because her ink was about to run out and she didn’t have a spare.  Her ink?  I guess, lucky for me, my shenanigans didn’t hurt her print out.

Then she hugged me and said she was sorry she yelled at me.  No bad words or anything.  I think she felt guilty that she wasn’t watching what I was doing.  As Kittie says, a little guilt goes a long way.

MOMMIE’S FALSE TEETH  

For some reason Mommie has teeth that she takes out at night.  She puts them in a little cup on the bathroom vanity.  She puts water and a little fizzy pill in the cup.

I have watched her do this many times, but for some reason tonight I was in an inquisitive mood and wanted to know more about them.  I jumped on the vanity and looked in the cup.  Actually, if I didn’t know what they were, I would have been scared. 

The water had turned green and looked a little like the lime drink Mommie lets me sip once in a while.  So I took a sip.  GAG.  I was shaking my head so hard that I knocked the cup and the teeth into the sink.  Mommie came a running.  She says she doesn’t have a spare set of teeth and if I had broken them, she wouldn’t have been able to go to town and get my cat food for several weeks until she got a replacement set. 

I like my food so I won’t do that again.

THE SWEATER AND BOOTIES

It snowed last night and Mommie is going to visit the little elderly lady that likes to knit while she talks.  When she asked if I wanted to go along, I went directly to my visiting cage and stood by the door.  I like that little lady.

 Mommie was glad that I wanted to go because she had a present for me.  This lady had knitted a red sweater and booties for me to wear.  As I stood by the cage she went to get them and then TRIED to get them on me.  Mommie NO NO NO.  I don't want to look like Sparky.

Mommie said if I wanted to go I had to wear the outfit because the lady had knitted them just for me.  Before I could run to opt out, Mommie caught me by the cage and tried very hard to get them on me.  After a series of bad words, Mommie was getting tired.  So I gave in.  Mommie promised not to take any pictures to show to Sparky's mommie.

I had to wear this %**((**&%% outfit.  It was getting pretty warm so the little lady suggested that Mommie take off the outfit.  I love that little lady -- red sweater / booties and all.

Mommie took the picture -- so much for promises.  She said she wouldn't show it to Sparky's mommie.  She just posted it on facebook.

THE BOX  

I don’t know why Mommie had a big empty envelope box on the foot stool, but there it was with a torn label hanging down.  And, you know me, I like to play with hanging labels.

My tail swished around and the box fell off the stool and landed right on top of me. There I was trying to see out, but every time I moved it didn’t fall off me.  I ended up running around the house with the blasted box on top of me.

Good thing Mommie was home, because she saw the box moving on the floor.  Of course, she knew it was me.  She played around a little bit calling my name to come to her.  I couldn’t see where I was going and the box echoed inside so I couldn’t tell where she was.  I was meowing like crazy, but the box deafened my crying.    Finally when Mommie came and took the box off of me, she had this mischievous look on her face, as if she enjoyed the whole thing.  Bad Mommie.

NATURAL BEAUTIFUL CATS  

The local television station held a contest for the most beautiful “natural” cat.  They wanted the “Heinz 57” variety.  Purebreds were not allowed in this contest.  And, no “professional” cats.  That left Sissy out because she enters beautiful cat contests all the time. 

The rules said that “no costumes allowed”.  Fine by me.  Except for the red sweater and booties, I don’t own a costume.  They just wanted cats that are at home in a natural environment.

Mommie took me to the station to be auditioned.  I was ok except for the obedience section.  Mommie ordered me to sit.  What is sitting?  Is it sitting on my rump with my front legs supporting me, lying down with my legs under me, or is it lying flat with my legs outstretched?  Even when she told me to sit I couldn’t sit still for the full five minutes it took to do the interview.  Mommie said I had nervous energy. 

Some cute little hussy (a yellow-brown three-month old tabby) won the contest.  Actually she was rather pretty.  If I had to lose to her I was ok with that.  Mommie said I got a trophy for LAST place.  Since Sissy can’t read she won’t know what that means when she sees that trophy on the mantle.   The TV station news program showed the winner and the loser – me. 

What the heck is a “Heinz 57 variety”?

FEET OF CLAY  

Tomorrow is the day Mommie is celebrating my birthday.  Mommie is doing something special for me today.  She went to the hobby store and got some quick-drying cement specially made for hand prints, etc. 

She made up the cement and laid it out on a cookie sheet covered with tin foil.  It is supposed to dry in about five minutes so she didn’t have much time.  She grabbed me by my middle and forced my front left paw into the cement and then quickly forced my right front paw into the cement.  She wrote my name and birthday in the cement before it dried. 

Mommie doesn’t really know what day I was born, but calculating back she is considering February 1st as my birthday.  Since I don’t know for sure, that is OK with me.

What Mommie forgot to do was wipe the quick drying cement off my feet.  About ten minutes later I was still trying to lick off the cement.  It didn’t taste too bad but I just didn’t like it on my feet.   Mommie noticed my problem and quickly began soaking my front paws in warm water with a little soap.  It only took about five minutes and my feet were rid of the cement. 

After it had dried for a couple hours Mommie hung the plaque up on the wall right beside the one she had made for her precious Woffier. 

Mommie says:  P.S.  Sparkles watched VERY carefully to make sure his prints were the same height as Woffier’s – he still has a touch of the green-eyed monster in him even though he has been here for seven months and he knows I love him very much.

MY BIRTHDAY PARTY 

Mommie doesn't really know my actual birth date, but by guessing how old I was when she got me, she just counted back.  I'll go along with that.  I don't remember the day either.

Mommie is having a birthday party for me and she expects several of her friends to bring presents when they come.  She also warned me that a couple of people were bringing their own cats.  She says since I am a year old, I should know how to be polite with them.  Alright, if I have to.

After the Christmas fiasco and the trouble with bows, I am glad to see most of the bows are the tied ones, not those terrible "stick on" ones.

Hey, I got some neat stuff -- cans of my favorite food, a new litter box, one nice looking lighted ball, and a new brand of catnip.  I will bite and scratch whoever brought a horrible new collar and leash -- if I can find out who brought it.

 MELANIE’S LITTLE BROTHER  

Melanie, Sparky and Sissy were all in a real funk.  It seems that Melanie got a new little people brother last week – Parker Daniel. 

The three have always been the “babies” in their particular genre.  Now they have this little upstart, Parker.  Melanie is the most upset.  Her grandma keeps telling her that she is now a BIG sister.  Melanie says BIG deal!

Melanie says all he does is sleep, cry, sleep, suck a bottle, sleep, and poop.  She says the poop really stinks.  She knows that hers never did when she was that age. 

Melanie asked her mommie to take him back, but her mommie said they are stuck with him because there is a “no return” policy at the hospital.  Sparky’s mommie says she will just have to get used to him.  Melanie crossed her fingers behind her back when she said she would try.

Today Melanie is all smiles.  It seems her little brother took hold of her finger and squeezed it.  Melanie fell in love!  

 IT’S A SMALL WORLD  

The “Goat Lady” (Ramos’ people mommie) is raising her four year old granddaughter, Lakisha.  She invited Melanie and Sissy over for a play date.  After Sissy got tired of being dressed up in doll clothes by the two little girls, she sneaked outside.   

It just so happened that this was the exact time I came over to visit Ramos.  Sissy spotted me and ran out to the goat yard.  Ramos and the other goats didn’t particularly appreciate Sissy’s intrusion on our day.  The littlest boy goat charged at Sissy.  Luckily she was able to climb the wire fence before he could butt her.

Sissy was outside the fence looking forlorn, so I asked Ramos if Sissy could come in and play with the two of us.  He agreed saying “a friend of yours is a friend of mine” (Mommie would consider that trite).  Sissy was happy.  She really wanted to play, but since she was de-clawed she couldn’t stay on Ramos’ back.  After a while she gave up and went back into the house.

I felt bad for Sissy.

MOMMIE IS SICK  

Mommie is sick and can’t play today.  If coughing were an Olympic sport, Mommie would win the gold.  Poor Mommie.  She went to the doctor yesterday and found out she might have pneumonia.  She is waiting for a call from her doctor. 

So, how do I help?  Yesterday I helped by not waking her up when I thought I needed food.  I let her sleep.  I found some old dry cat food behind the washing machine.  It must have spilled out of the sack and worked its way behind the washer.  There was enough there to make one meal anyway.  When she overfilled the food dish, I didn’t complain.  I think she knew I might need food when she was asleep.

I stayed out of her way when she coughed.  She tried to keep the coughing down so it wouldn’t hurt my ears. 

The best thing I did for her was to climb on her lap and I purrrrred really loud and long.  She knew she needed that most of all.

I love Mommie. 

STICKY GUMMY BEARS  

At the candy store (I didn’t know there were stores just for candy) Mommie bought a whole pound of sticky candy she called Gummy Bears.

When she came home she tried to give one to me, but I didn’t want to eat a bear.   She assured me it was just candy shaped like a bear.  It took every stretch of my imagination to agree with that, but I do like candy.

She gave me an orange one.  It sort of tasted like orange and it was pretty good.  Good, that is, until it stuck to my teeth and I couldn’t open my mouth very wide.  I ran around in circles and I tried to use my paws to get that stuff off my teeth.  I don’t know why I ran in circles because, of course, it didn’t do any good. 

I finally got that horrible stuff off my teeth and now I have it stuck to my paws.  MOMMIE please help.  She came into the kitchen and roared with laughter.  Mommie took me in her arms and pulled the sticky stuff off my paws very gently.  She guessed “you probably won’t want any more Gummy Bears”.

Personally, I think Mommie knew this when she bought the candy, but she had to tell herself it was for her and me so it wouldn’t look like she was off her diet – again.

 I HAD AN XRAY 

Yesterday when Mommie was getting ready to go to town, I spied her purse and it was o-p-e-n.  Normally she keeps it shut because she doesn’t want me snooping around in it.

Since I had this chance, I pulled out everything I could reach inside the purse.  I pulled out a wad of gum (which I threw aside – bad memory), some tissue (the kind I like to shred), some paper with important information on it, and some change. 

Mommie knew how much change she had in her purse.  When she saw me pawing the money around, she counted and came up a dime short.  She just knew I had swallowed that dime.  From all the fuss she made you would have thought I had bankrupted her.  It was only a dime.

Mommie called the vet and he said to bring me in right away.  Dr. Bill said he would do an xray on my tummy to see if I really did swallow the dime.  Dr. Bill came back and said he didn’t see anything.   When we got home, Mommie was grumbling something about a $100 vet bill for a dime I had not even swallowed.

Later Mommie found a hole in the lining of her purse and found the dime.  She petted me and told me how sorry she was to have put me through that.  I gained at least two points in the guilt bank for that one.

 

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24.06 | 17:14

Mommie, I am glad you are back! I was beginning to worry.

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30.03 | 13:11

Other places charge for these. Thanks.

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05.09 | 15:06

Interesting concept. I am sending an envelope with my name, address, and stamp on it so I can receive these for free.

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16.04 | 11:32
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