NEW TROUBLES

A THREE TIER WHAT?  

Mommie brought home this ugly looking thing she called a three tier cat tree.  Why do I need a tree?  I’m not a dog.  Dogs need trees.

She was real proud thinking I would really like that tree.  It has three “floors” with round holes on each floor for entry.  In addition there are holes in the floors so I can go floor to floor without going outside.  Mommie said they would make good hidey holes for me.  I’m not going to tell Mommie where my “real” hidey holes are.

After two days of just looking at it, I went inside.  Mommie was right because I think I will like it.  It’s big enough for me to stretch out and look around outside the tree.  It also has carpet on the outside so it does make a good scratching post.  I hope Mommie gives the other scratching post away. 

BAD BREATH  

Apparently humans aren’t the only ones that can get bad breath.  It seems the other day I was eating the leftovers of a dead mouse.  (Honest, I didn’t know that was what it was.  It tasted fairly good, though.)

When Mommie called me into the house, Mommie put her fingers over her nose as she smelled me.  PU. Mommie said I smelled like I had eaten something dead.  If she only knew.

She pushed me into the bathroom and took out a new tooth brush she had stored for visitors who came to the house.  At first she just brushed my teeth.  When she could still smell the dead mouse, she put tooth paste on the brush and brushed again.

I know you don’t believe I would sit still for this.  You are right.  The entire time Mommie had me in the bathroom she had my front feet firmly gripped with her left hand.  Otherwise I would have skedaddled away f-a-s-t.  I didn’t like the tooth brush and I certainly didn’t like the tooth paste.  It smells a lot better on Mommie.

An hour later I was still coughing up green mint goop that had stayed in my mouth after Mommie got done with me.

ON THE ROOF  

Yesterday I saw a snake by the garage.  I sniffed its trail and it didn’t smell like one of the regular garden snakes we see all around.  When I got about four feet away I heard this little r-a-t-t-l-i-n-g noise.  Somehow I had this sixth sense that I should run as fast as I could.  And, I did. W-h-i-z-z-z.

As I started backward I sensed the snake gaining on me.  The first tree I got to I started up.  The snake followed and he was trailing me up the tree.  Luckily for me the tree was right by the garage which had a metal roof.

Even with my claws I was able to cling to the roof a little.  The snake wasn’t so lucky.  He curled himself up and sprang on the roof.  Oops for the snake.  He slid down the roof and hit the ground.  Whew!

That night when I said my prayers, I said an extra thank you.

HELP, MOMMIE, HELP!! 

Yesterday when the snake was after me and I scampered onto the garage metal roof, I hurried back to the tree to get off the roof.  Even though my paws held a little bit, I didn’t want to fall into the snake on the ground. 

I got to the tree and saw the black angel on the roof of the house.  I crawled on one of the big branches and jumped onto the traditionally shingled house roof.  Soon the black angel and I were chasing each other on the roof and having a good old time. 

We heard Mommie putting the food out for the evening meal.  The black angel didn’t have a problem getting off the roof.  He just went to the edge and leaped onto a lower branch of the tree.  It looked like he had done this a few times, because he didn’t miss the tree branch.

I could either jump up onto the branch that I had come from or jump down onto the branch that the black angel had used.  Decisions, decisions.  I decided to YOWL for Mommie.  I knew she would know how to get me down.  She came to the edge of the roof and looked up.  She encouraged me to jump down on the branch that the black angel had used.  She stood underneath the branch to catch me in case I didn’t make it.

I knew Mommie would catch me, but I was still scared.  I more or less took a deep breath and jumped.  Luckily I made the lower branch and was able to get down.

As I climbed down the tree trunk, Mommie grabbed me when I was about three feet still in the air.  She held me close until my heartbeat went back to normal.  Mommie said:  “One of these days you are going to get into trouble and I won’t be there to catch you.  Then what?”  I think there is a lesson here – maybe. 

A FLOOD  

Yipee!  Yipee!  Sissy, Sparky and I were having a blast in the bathroom.  When we went into the bathroom there was water all over the floor.  We were splashing at each other.  It was fun to skid around on the floor.  I have a problem with cold water, but with the three of us playing around, the water didn't seem that cold.

When the mommies didn't hear us for a while, they spotted us in the bathroom.  I think the water coming out from under the door was also a clue.  Mommie and Sparky's mommie thought that we were responsible, but Mommie looked inside the toilet tank and realized the chain was broken.

Whew!  We got lucky on that one.  I suppose if Mommie hadn't found the source of the problem, we all three would have been sent for a "time out".  Sparky's mommie helped Mommie clean up the mess with dirty towels that were in the laundry basket.  Then Mommie cleaned the last of it up with a clean towel.

All three of us got our feet dried off before they would let us into the living room to finish playing.

BLINDS  

Sissy and I were playing at her house.  In the living room there were things on the window that Sissy said were “blinds”.  I asked her how they were blind.  She said she didn’t know but she knew they couldn’t see.  These blinds had little slats strung between cords.

Sissy told me to stay away from the blinds, that they weren’t meant to be played with. 

I was playing peek-a-boo with Sissy and hid behind the blinds that covered the wide window sill that I sat on.  Of course, I just HAD to play with them because they were simply too tempting.    Besides I was hiding behind them.

When Sissy wasn’t looking I pulled one of the strings that was attached to the blinds. I pulled too hard and the blinds went flying up to the top.  Sissy and I made a hasty retreat to the family room.  We swaggered in as if nothing was amiss. 

A little while later Sparky’s mommie came stomping into the family room and looked straight at Sissy and warned her that the next time she did that she was going to have to have a “time out” in the bathroom.

Sissy glared at me and looked like she could kill me.  Of course, I had my most charming “it wasn’t me” face on.

CAT DANCING  

Mommie has been trying to teach me to dance on my two back legs.  Apparently Sissy does some kind of routine in her efforts to be a “Beautiful Cat.”  I haven’t seen her do it, but Mommie says she is pretty good at dancing.

First of all I don’t ever want to be a “Beautiful Cat.”  Second, I suck at dancing.  But Mommie keeps trying.  Maybe it is because I am still not completely grown like Sissy is.  Maybe my bones are not strong enough to support the rest of me on two legs.  Maybe. . . . . .   Well, you get the idea. If there is an excuse out there I will find it.

Mommie uses the oldest trick in the book.  She dangles special treats in front of me.  She knows I like this one kind of cat treat.  So she buys it to “reward” me if I dance well.  I can stand for about thirty seconds and then I just flop down.  Even the treats don’t do the trick.

But today, Sissy and Sparky came over to play.  Sissy was her usual prissy self.  She danced on two feet and strutted around.  I was so jealous that I willed myself to dance on two feet.  Fortunately, Mommie was in the room and saw me.  She timed me for over a minute.  Mommie clapped and clapped.  Why do people clap for performances?

Today I got TWO special treats.

MEETING PARKER DANIEL  

Sparky's mommie wanted us to come over and see the new baby, Parker Daniel.  From Melanie's description I was not sure I wanted to go. 

When we got there a new piece of furniture was in the living room – a baby bed.  A very thin piece of netting was covering the bed.  Melanie was standing guard by the bed – this was HER baby brother and no one was going to be able to hurt HER brother. 

After the mommies left the room, I went over to the couch next to where the baby bed was parked.  I climbed up on the couch and sort of flew over to the baby bed.  Mommie said we were going to meet the baby, but how could I see him if he was covered up with a net.  Melanie SCREAMED.  Fortunately for Parker, the net was taut enough so that I couldn't get any closer to the baby than the top of the bed anyway. 

The mommies came running.  The netting caught my claws and I was stuck.  I had to hold my breath until Mommie lifted me off the netting.  That baby s-m-e-l-l-ed really bad.  Melanie was right.  I don't think any baby could smell worse than that.

Mommie scolded me a little right then.  On the way home, Mommie said she was going to ask Sparky's mommie if Sissy did anything like that.  She guessed that she had and that is why the netting was there.  Mommie said she understood why I would have been curious about the baby.   

I love Mommie.

BANGETY - BANGETY - BANG  

Mommie was in the living room watching television and not particularly paying attention to me.  She had just left the kitchen with one of the cupboard doors ajar -- just a little bit.  Of course, if there is an open door, even a little open, I always think it is my duty to peek to see what is behind the door.

This door was the bottom one to the left of the stove.  This cabinet had all kinds of pots, pans and lids ready to fall out.  Sometimes Mommie is rather sloppy on how she puts her pots and pans away so sometimes they just "fall out" when she opens that door.  I have seen it a dozen times.  If she would put them in properly, they wouldn't fall out.

Today was my lucky day -- they were put in sloppily.  All I had to do was pull open the door.  Mommie just doesn't realize what strength I have in my right paw.  BANGETY - BANGETY, BANG.   Four or five pots and pans (with their lids) fell to the floor which made a BIG noise.  I like noise.  When I waddled through the pans and lids on the floor they made even more noise.

Mommie came running saying bad words.  Then she ran back to the TV to put the show on pause so she could see what was going on.  Of course, she looked at me, but I just stood there with my "who me?" face on.

Mommie went back to her show and mumbled something about putting the pots and pans in neatly.  She didn't even growl at me because she indicated that it really wasn't my fault; just hers since she didn't put them in orderly in the first place.

I slept on Mommie's shoulder just like I do every night.  Pur-r-r-r-r.

PRESIDENT’S DAY  

Mommie says every year on the third Monday of February Americans celebrate President’s Day.  She said we are to honor our Presidents, past and present. 

On TV for the last three weeks there has been nothing but ads taking advantage of that day.  I haven’t figured out why beds and bedding have any connection to that day, except for sales.  Sometimes I wonder if bedding and beds ever sell for regular price.  It seems that on every holiday, bedding stores use the holiday as an excuse to have another “sale”. 

Mommie told me about President Washington and President Lincoln, who were the first to have holidays named after them.  About thirty years ago it was determined that those two holidays could be merged into President’s Day.  Of course I listened politely wondering why it made any difference to me or not.

I guess it did mean something.  Mommie made a chocolate cake shaped like Abraham Lincoln, her favorite President.  She gave me a small piece because I am not supposed to eat chocolate.  Mommie ate my share.

WHISTLING TEA POT  

Mommie is on this green tea diet.  So she has to steep her tea in a real tea pot.  She bought this ugly brown thing that she says is the teapot.  At least she could have bought a pretty one.

The first time she used it, I was not prepared for the whistle.  I was in the bedroom shredding more paper (the kind Mommie wants me to shred) and I about jumped out of my skin when I heard that whistle.  It continued to shriek until Mommie turned off the stove. 

If it at least played a pretty tune or even a softer tune, I think I could get used to it.  That is not going to be the case though.  As usual Mommie kept to her diet for about two weeks and then the whistling tea pot became a memory.  She might get it out for special occasions, but regular use of the teapot has already died out.  Diet persistence is not one of her strong suits.  Oh well. 

 NIGHT VISION

I don’t think Mommie knows that cats have extraordinary black and gray night vision. So every night after Mommie turns out the light I can still see pretty good.

Last night I heard a rustle behind the dresser.  All at once a gray little mouse peeked his head around the corner.  Apparently he was trying to get to the open closet door because he stepped out very gingerly and tiptoed over to the closet door.

I didn’t want anything to do with a mouse, so I just let it go.  Then about ten minutes later another mouse showed his face from behind the dresser.  I didn’t move as he tiptoed over to the closet door.

Enough already.  Even though I don’t particularly like mice (I certainly wouldn’t eat one if I knew that is what I was eating), but I couldn’t let these midnight shenanigans go on.  I crept very slowly out of bed and to the front of the dresser. I was halfway between the back of the dresser and the closet door.

When the next little critter peeked his head around he didn’t see me and he probably thought it was safe because his siblings got over to the closet safely.  WRONG.  I pounced on that little mouse as he was tiptoeing across the floor.  He didn’t know what hit him.  I really didn’t mean to, but I sank my teeth into his neck and he was a goner.  Good thing Mommie had put fresh water in my bowl just before we went to bed.  I rinsed my mouth out the best I could.

In the morning Mommie saw my handiwork and praised me to high heaven.  I heard her talk on the phone later that day and she told Sparky’s mommie that I was a good mouser.  I didn’t tell her about the two that got away.

“ELECTRICITY”  

This winter, the inside air has been really dry.  Mommie said she was going to get a humidifier so it wouldn’t be so dry. 

Before she got the humidifier, I was walking on the throw rug in the hallway when Mommie came by and petted me and SNAP –  OUCH!  I felt that electricity down to my toes.  At least that is what Mommie called it.  She got it too, but she couldn’t explain it.  Mommie said it has been fifty years since she was in high school studying science and she didn’t remember what caused electricity.  She said she would ask Daddie next time she saw him. 

I got zapped three or four times before Mommie finally went to Sears to get the humidifier.  I think Mommie got zapped a lot more times than I did and that is what finally got her to go to Sears.

Since Mommie put out the humidifier I haven’t been zapped and neither has Mommie.

INSOMNIA  

For the last couple weeks I have had a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep at night.  Mommie started me on this new (cheaper) cat food and for some reason it keeps me awake at night.  I wonder if it has caffeine in it.

It tastes ok, but it just seems to run through me and not stick around on my ribs.  So at night I have to use the litter box several times.  Maybe that is what is keeping me awake.  

When I was a kitten I was able to drop on a dime and sleep whenever the urge came on or when I tired out.  But now I can’t sleep and I am not really tired.  I just can’t sleep.  Do I have anxiety?   Whatever it is, I need a sleeping pill.  

MOMMIE BRINGS HOME FISH 

Mommie said she was bringing home a surprise for me.  I LOVE surprises.  Whatever was Mommie thinking?  She brought home a fish bowl and three fish.  I remember my last episode with fish when I spilled Melanie’s fish bowl and water ran all over the floor.  Does Mommie think I won’t get in trouble with these fish?

Of course I will.  Mommie set the fish bowl on the coffee table.  That is so low to the floor that I don’t really have to jump to get in trouble.  I sat by the fish bowl watching the fish go in and out of their little castle and into some really cute cubbies.  After a while they started playing their fish version of tag.  I watched them go round and round.  I started getting woozy. 

I wanted to reach in and catch those little suckers.  So I did. Yuck that was water! Everyone knows how I hate water.  I guess Mommie did know what she was doing.  I won’t touch her little darling fish.  I just hope she is not planning to replace me with them as her favorite pet.  If she does I will ignore the water and take care of the problem.

Mommie, are you listening?

 

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24.06 | 17:14

Mommie, I am glad you are back! I was beginning to worry.

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30.03 | 13:11

Other places charge for these. Thanks.

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05.09 | 15:06

Interesting concept. I am sending an envelope with my name, address, and stamp on it so I can receive these for free.

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16.04 | 11:32
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