Growing Up


MOMMIE’S GLASS EYES  

Every morning when Mommie gets up she goes in the bathroom and does what she calls, “putting my eyes in.”  Then at night she takes them out again.  Around the house she wears these big hunkie looking things in front of her eyes.

It gives me what Mommie calls “the willies” when she does this.  I try to imagine what that must be like.  I am glad I have very good eye sight because I can’t believe I would ever do something like that – poking my eyes every morning and night. (Shiver, shiver)

It is not a pretty sight when she drops one.  She goes what I would call berserk.  She rants and raves until she finds it.  She has to put on the glasses she uses at night to look for them.  You know those little glass eyes (contacts) are really tiny.  Fortunately she has only done that twice since I have been here.  The first time she grabbed me and then looked me over to make sure I didn’t have it hidden on me somewhere.  The second time she more or less ignored me because she thought she knew where they landed.  They turned out to be at least two feet away in the bath tub.

Mommie has two pair – one with green eyes and one with blue eyes.  I like the green eyed Mommie.

LAKISHA’S BIRTHDAY PARTY

After pre-school today Lakisha had her fifth birthday party.  Of course, Melanie, Sissy and I were invited to come along with five other little girls.

The girls played silly little games, but they were most interested in Sissy and me.  One of the games was “Who can dress the cats?”  Sissy is used to this malarkey but I don’t like it one bit.  I did let one little girl put a bonnet on me, but that was it.  Since I snarled at the little girl none of the other girls wanted to dress me.  A snarl works wonders!

When it was time for cake and ice cream, Sissy and I got some too in little bowls. Then the balloons started popping.  How did I know?  I was the one popping them.  Each little girl had gotten three balloons to take home.  By the time I was done only two balloons were left and it was decided to give them to the little girl who was having her own birthday party next week.

That was fun!

THE GOLF CART  

A friend of Mommie's lives about three miles away on a tarred road.  He can't drive a car because he is disabled, so he rides his golf cart wherever he goes. Since he is only about a half mile from town, he rides it to go get groceries when he needs them.  

He came to see Mommie the other day to help out with a community "green" project.  You couldn't hear his golf cart when he came because it was so quiet and it didn't look like he was going too fast.

There is a little compartment on the back where he carries packages.  You guessed it!  When it came time for him to leave, I snuggled down real low and he took off with me on the back.  That was a s-m-o-o-t-h ride.  Nothing like that horrible motorcycle ride I had a while back.

As he was going out the driveway, Mommie spotted me and tried to run after the golf cart, but since she is old (ha ha Mommie), she can't run as fast as the golf cart was going.  She ran (well, walked really fast) back to the car and started after us.

We got about a mile down the road before she caught up with us.  She honked the horn and he pulled over.   Mommie stopped and got out.  As she was running back to the golf cart she was saying some of those bad words.  She found me purring really loud and very content.  "Why, you little stinker, I thought I was going to lose you and here you are sitting just purring away."

Little stinker?

SWAYING IN THE HAMMOCK

Mommie got a new outdoor toy -- a hammock.  She decided to hang it between two trees on the north side of the house.  She said the south side didn't have enough trees close together, and besides in the summer it is cooler on the north side.

The first time Mommie tried to use it, she almost fell to the ground.  That thing went one way and then another.  I almost got seasick watching Mommie.  Mommie looked at me and said "quit laughing".  Pretty soon she got the hang of it and she plopped down for the rest of the afternoon.

After Mommie got out of the hammock I got brave enough and tried to get in it.  I jumped from the ground and the silly thing started going around and around.  It was also swaying right to left at the same time. I actually got caught in the hammock from its going around and around.  After she stood there laughing, Mommie had to rescue me -- again.

PARKER PUKED ON ME – UGH!   

Now that Parker is a little older and Sparky, Sissy and I have access to Parker, we play with him on the floor.  Sissy is de-clawed, I am not.  When I tried to knead Parker he got upset.  I guess it was probably my claws.  I tried not to push the claws into him, but I suspect I didn’t do a very good job. 

He began screaming.  Melanie began screaming.  I got the picture and almost got away.  The floor was pretty slick and I skidded sideways back into Parker.  He was hiccupping with the tears and all at once he p-u-k-e-d on me.  Ugh!

Sparky’s mommie grabbed Parker and Mommie grabbed me.  Both mommies had seen that I was just purring to him and they were positive that I hadn’t hurt Parker, so they didn’t yell at me.  Mommie took me into the powder room and tried to wash me down.  She did use warm water and I put up with it because I couldn’t stand the smell. 

I smelled awful for several hours afterward.  It took a great deal of concentration on my part to keep washing myself off because of the smell.  I almost threw up myself. 

Mommie was concerned that Parker would be permanently psyched against me.  Mommie what about my psyche?

SABBATH SCHOOL  

Lakisha's Sabbath School class was talking about how God loved animals almost as much as he loved people.  The children were asked to bring a pet to Sabbath School next week.

Lakisha was almost afraid to ask Mommie if I could come, but Mommie assured her that I could be controlled.  The only thing was, Mommie insisted that she had to take me there.  Since she was going, she told the goat lady that she would be happy to take Lakisha to Sabbath School too.

I redeemed my self with Lakisha because I was the model of a good "Puffy Cat".  I did strut a little but I didn't go berserk when a poodle came into the room (not the one from the preschool program that I had been invited to before).

Lakisha was so proud of me that she wanted to hold me on the way home instead of putting me into my visiting cage.  Again I was a good boy.

Am I getting old and losing my "style"?  Vote at SPARKLES CATNIPPER on facebook.

MOMMA MEETS MELANIE

As you know Melanie can be a real pill when it comes to being a nice little girl. She constantly taunts and teases Sparky and Sissy. Sometimes she is downright mean – she dresses Sparky in ridiculous outfits and she pulls Sissy’s tail. Of course both animals love the other members of the household and they have it easy when it comes to food and shelter, so they put up with it.

She tried to tease Momma and unfortunately (for Melanie) she pulled Momma’s tail. Momma turned on Melanie and snarled really loud. She didn’t stick her claws out or try to scratch Melanie. The snarl worked wonders. Melanie gave in and toned down her antics.

Momma has turned out to be a very good peace maker. Yea Momma!

THE LAWN MOWER   

Mommie has this little machine she rides on to mow the lawn.  When she mows she usually puts me in the house because she says the lawn mower would be too tempting for me.
One time she forgot to catch me before she went mowing.  She was going round and round on the lawn.  When she was about finished I sneaked up behind her.  She has warned me about staying away from the mower even though I have never been out when she was mowing.

Now I know why she warned me.  Before Mommie saw me I got sticky green grass clippings all over me.  I know there are some in my ears I can't reach with my paw.  Guess Mommie will have to get that out too.

You should have seen Mommie when she saw me.  She immediately shut off the mower, grabbed me hard by the neck and MARCHed me back into the house.  She was mad at me and mad at herself for forgetting to shut me in.  She finished the mowing.  When she put the mower away she put a little "sticky note" on the seat to remind her to keep me in the house when she mows.

Mommie didn't apologize, but she did get the clippings out of my hair and ear.  I apologized by purring extra loud when we went to sleep that night.

WHAT DID YOU SAY MOMMIE?           

Last night as she slept, Mommie was mumbling and talking..  Something about flying somewhere.  Mommie told me earlier today about her history of flying small planes when she was younger.  Probably why she is dreaming about it now.

Two weeks ago Mommie was dreaming and mumbling about a man – not Daddie – who she had a crush on.  She kept saying Elvis, I’m so glad you’re here.  I always wanted to meet you.  She kept sleeping but kept murmuring Elvis, Elvis, I love you.  I thought Mommie loved Daddie and me.  The same day she had been playing some records by Elvis and I have to admit he sang rather well.   Mommie doesn’t know I saw her dancing to the music too.

The reason I know so plainly what she is saying is because I sleep with my head on her shoulders.  When she sat up so abrupt the other night, I almost fell off the bed.

NEW TOYS  

Mommie was at the freezer searching for some veggies to eat tonight.  She grabbed the half-full bag of frozen peas that had a small clip on the end to keep the peas inside the bag.

Oops.  I was trying to help Mommie at the freezer and the clip on the frozen pea bag flew off somewhere and peas spilled all over the floor.  Mommie scolded a little and then realized the clip was actually broken and would have come off anyway.

Whee!  I skated around on the floor with those frozen peas.  I chased one and then another.  There seemed to be a hundred or more of them.  Mommie almost slipped but grabbed the sink and stood still for a moment.

She was laughing when she saw me skating around on the floor and chasing the peas.  I was no help to her as she tried to round up the peas with the broom.  Some were too small and were slipping between the straw on the broom.  That is when I had a good laugh.

Mommie and I were both tired when we went to bed that night because I chased the peas and Mommie tried to pick those up that slipped through the broom one by one.

CLOUDS IN THE PARK

Today Mommie and I went to the park even though Mommie knew the other cat mommies were off to see their little ones go to school for the last day of school.  We were alone, just Mommie and me.

Mommie fixed a picnic lunch and she spread a blanket on the ground under a big tree.  It was so peaceful not to have to share Mommie’s attention with all the other cats and their people mommies.  She brought my favorite tuna fish salad (my portion without the salad dressing), potato salad (ugh), and some sweet tea.  She had lemon cake for dessert (too tart). 

After lunch we stretched out on the blanket and looked at the sky.  We saw all kinds of clouds floating around.  Mommie said:  Look!  That cloud looks like a fish. I pointed over to the left and thought:  That looks like a big dog and that cloud over there looks like me.  Wow! The sky had a picture of me in it!

We went home after we kind of fell asleep for about an hour on the blanket.  This was such a nice day.

THE BAPTISM  

Lakisha was over at Melanie’s for a play date.  They were having a great time and Sissy and I were having a good time too. 

First the girls played “school” and then they decided to play “church”.  Melanie, being the more assertive, insisted on being the preacher.  She began the service by singing something that sounded almost like a song and Lakisha held me in her arms as if I were a baby.

I liked being the baby because the girls are definitely good petters.  She did wrap me in a baby blanket.  For some reason I was in the mood for going along with this charade.  Dumb me.

Melanie “preached” for a while and then she sang another song (sort of).  Lakisha took me up to the front of the church near the pulpit – this was a waste basket turned over with a board on top to make it level.  Unfortunately for me, I didn’t see the bucket of water to the left of the pulpit. 

Melanie began the baptism ritual.  Lakisha handed me over to Melanie and Melanie pushed me down into the bucket of water.  I didn’t stick around for the remainder of ceremony.  I went flying down the stairs.  Sparky’s mommie saw me coming and opened the door for me to escape.

Good thing it was almost summer so I dried off pretty fast.

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Mommie, I am glad you are back! I was beginning to worry.

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