MOMMIE’S HIDEY HOLE
Mommie has a hidey hole – actually a whole room full of stuff that she doesn’t know what is where. She calls it her storage room – other people would probably call it a junk
There are dresses, skirts, tops, and slacks in the closet that are at least thirty years old. Mommie keeps saying “someday” she will be able to get back into them (they are too tight now). She said by then they would probably come
back in style.
Autographs (signatures) are stored in one corner of the room. They include Ted Kennedy, John Glenn, Dolly Parton, Tanya Tucker, and Johnny Carson. The Johnny Carson signature is on the back of a blank check. When she met him at the airport
in Lincoln, Nebraska, all the paper she had to write on was the back of the check. The Ted Kennedy and John Glenn autographs were on political brochures she had collected while she was working and living in Washington, D.C.
You see, I found the pile
of autographs and “rearranged” them one day when Mommie was out and the door to the “storage” room was ajar. Mommie was just a tad bit unhappy with me, but she realized it was her fault for leaving the door ajar. It only took her ten
minutes to put the autographs back in order.
Other things in the room included two shot guns and a pistol from a dead German soldier. Mommie had the pistol appraised and realized it was from WWII. The markings on the holster showed that the soldier
was a high-ranking officer from the German Air Force stationed in Berlin during WWII. Mommie put the guns in a safe place – five hundred miles away.
There were family pictures scattered around (my doing) on the floor. Mommie put these away carefully
because there were pictures of HER mommie and daddie.
I’m sorry Mommie.
MOMMIE'S NEW TOY
Mommie got a new bed yesterday and she has been playing with it almost non-stop. You see, the head raises up and
the feet raise up. At first the whirring motor sounded like another cat purring. I couldn't have another cat in my Mommie's room. That is MY room too. After watching Mommie for a few minutes I realized the purring went with the raising of the top of the bed.
When Mommie got up this morning she left the top of the bed raised up almost to sitting position. The fancy control that goes with the bed fell into the center of the bed. (Ok, Ok, I pulled it over.) The cute red buttons
looked interesting, so, of course, I had to push them. Instead of lowering the head, I accidentally raised the foot of the bed. I was almost stuck in the center. I thought I was going to get smashed!
Luckily when I hurriedly jumped
off the bed the foot of the bed quit rising up. I didn't wait around for Mommie to see what I had done. I skedaddled f-a-s-t.
TRIM THOSE TREES!!!
Mommie has been on a rampage the last couple days. It seems her satellite
TV signal goes in-and-out. She keeps missing some of her programs. Last night she missed Mollie B. Not a good situation since that is her main polka show.
She called Dish Network and was told a repairman would be coming in three days. I don’t
know if I can handle Mommie for three days without her TV.
Then Mommie remembered that the last time that happened she cut down some tree branches and the in-and-out signals were gone. Daddie was still at home then and he helped her with the chain saw.
It is a little bitty chain saw on a ten foot pole. Mommie held the pole and Daddie worked the on and off button. This time she would have to do it herself.
Instead she called Sparky’s mommie and she came over and did the on and off button thing
Mommie was so happy to have her TV back that she gave me an extra treat for the day. I am happy too because I don’t like to see Mommie unhappy.
It's a couple days after Christmas
and Mommie made an appointment for me to get de-clawed today. I hope it doesn't hurt.
Mommie said it was embarrassing for her that I hogged all the wrapping paper and ruining it for Sparky's mommie. She said she doesn't want to go through that situation
again. Mommie offered to give Sparky's mommie some used paper she has. I think she was OK with that.
So, why do I have to be de-clawed. The only things I shred are the paper towels, toilet paper, and tissue paper. The wrapping paper was just a nice
bonus for me.
Mommie, please don't make me go see Dr. Candie again. I have had enough of her to last a lifetime. Mommie said I made her best friend mad at her and she wasn't about to let that happen again. So, off to see Dr. Candie.
says I have really grown since being fixed. It’s probably the result of the zero sex drive I have. I can look at lady cats all day and they don't appeal to me unless they are bigger than me. Then I want to beat them at a wrestling match. I can still
After Dr. Candie explained the consequences of getting me de-clawed, Mommie decided it would probably not be a good idea to have it done. Dr. Candie said that since we lived in the country and there was every possibility that I would find
myself outside at times and being de-clawed was not a good thing. What if I had to climb a tree to get away from some animal? Without claws I could be defenseless.
Yea. God does answer prayers some times. Mommie says I have to learn some manners.
MOMMIE IS SICK
Mommie has a cold. She has been lying down all day. She has the tea kettle going to make tea and to moisten the air. She blows her nose a lot and she spits up icky looking stuff. She throws
the tissues in the garbage sack in the bedroom.
Today when I was doing my regular garbage can hunt, I ran across a few of those tissues. For some reason I thought Mommie might want them back so I took three or four and put them on
the bed. I almost threw up with the mess that was in a couple of them.
Mommie was too tired to say any bad words or yell at me. She just put the tissues back in the garbage sack and rolled the top down so I can’t get back into
it. Mommie had this revelation – “if I roll the top of the sack down, Sparkles won’t be able to get into them – all over the house.”
Boy, did I mess up. Now I won’t be able to do my daily
run. BUT, I know Mommie, she will do it for a few days and then lapse back into skipping it – just like she does her diets.
Mommie went to get in the car yesterday and she
saw cat tracks on the windshield. She yelled at me. “Mommie I don’t know how they got there. It must have been the outdoor cats.”
Mommie looked at the size of the footprints and then decided it wasn’t me –
they were way too big for my prints. She looked around to see if there were any scratches on the car since the cat had to jump up onto the car first and then to the windshield. Fortunately for the b-i-g black outdoor cat (he must weigh at least 20 pounds)
there weren’t any scratches.
Since there were no scratches Mommie decided to let it go because she already knew which big cat did the deed. She held me tight when she apologized for yelling at me.
I love Mommie.
NEW YEARS EVE PUNCH
Today I am remembering the fun time I had at the New Year’s Eve party. Mommie’s punch was really good. You are probably wondering how I know. Of course, I had a sip when Mommie wasn't looking.
Later, one of the guests poured some liquid from a bottle which he had in his back pocket into his drink. He took his last drink into the kitchen and poured the entire glass full into the milk that Mommie had set out for Sparky, Sissy and me.
didn’t really taste too bad, so Sissy dared Sparky and me to drink it all down. (I think Sissy has been at parties like this before.) Of course, Sparky and I couldn’t resist a dare. I was really full when I got done drinking my half of the milk
All at once, the drink hit me. I fell to the floor where I was because everything was going around in circles and there was no fan running. Sparky fared better because he was bigger, but he did throw up in the bathroom next to my litter box
When Sparky’s mommie came to take him and Sissy home, she found Sparky and me in the kitchen all stretched out on the floor – sound asleep. Sissy was sitting in the corner with her “I didn’t do it” face on.
Mommie didn’t know what had happened, but Sparky’s mommie smelled the milk dish and explained it to her. She said she suspected something when that tipsy guest went into the kitchen with his full drink cup and came back out with an empty cup.
At the time she thought he threw it down the sink.
Boy, did I have a headache after Mommie woke me up to go to bed.
COUSIN KITTIE IS IN LOVE
Mommie talked to Auntie Helen the other day. She reported that
Cousin Kittie is in love – with a feather duster!!! For those of you who don’t know what a feather duster is: It is a dusting tool made out of feathers; it is not something to dust feathers with.
Auntie Helen said she has a feather duster
to clean her computer keyboard and to reach between books, etc. on high shelves. One day she had the duster out to clean the keyboard. Cousin Kittie took a shine to the duster. He grabbed it and played with it. He snuggled into it. He kept caressing it. Auntie
Helen said it looked like he was “in love” with it.
The closet door to where she stores the duster has a one inch space between the door and the floor. When Auntie Helen put the duster in the closet, Kittie laid on the floor looking into
the space. She said he tried to put his paws into the closet trying to get to the duster. Auntie Helen said he does this every day for about an hour.
The other day when Kittie slipped out of the kitchen into the garage she needed something to entice
him back into the kitchen. Kittie is not supposed to be in the garage. She took the feather duster out to the garage and lured Kittie back into the kitchen. She let him have the duster for about twenty minutes. Kittie was in 7th heaven for
those twenty minutes.
Mommie, can I have a feather duster, too?
THE BIG BOWL
There is this big bowl that Mommie keeps on the kitchen table. Sometimes for supper all she eats is popcorn out of this
big bowl. Sometimes when she is gone I get up on the table and fold myself into that bowl. It is just the right size to feel snug in.
Yesterday I got up on the table and got in the bowl. It smelled like popcorn (which is a good thing). What I didn't
know is that it still had the popcorn grease all around inside. It was ok when I was in the bowl, but when I got out my fur was greasy (yuk).
When Mommie came home and reached down to pet hello to me, she discovered the grease on me and then the cat
fur in the big bowl. I was almost pleading with her to do something about the grease. Of course, she wanted to do something too so I wouldn't spread the grease around the house. (Like lay on the couch or on the bed or something to get it all greasy too.)
She took rags and wiped me off first. Then she sprayed warm water on my fur with some grease-fighting dish soap in it to get the grease off. Pretty soon my fur was back to normal although it was still a little damp.
I am considering that bowl off
limits to me forever. Mommie said from now on she is going to put the bowl upside down when she is through with it.
Mommie didn't say any words. We were ok when we went to bed at night.
MILLERS TASTE GOOD
Last night I was chasing a miller around the living room. (For those that don't know what millers are, that is just another name for moths.)
Several times I had to jump pretty high. I tried not to jump that high when Mommie was around because I didn’t
want her to know how agile I really am. That miller actually dived at me one time.
All at once he landed on the floor. He must have not seen me because I came up behind him and CHOMPED down. He went down pretty easy even though he was kind of "furry"
on top. I really didn't realize what I had done until Mommie yelled just before I chomped -- "No don't do that!" I didn't even need to get a drink of water afterward. He tasted pretty good.
Mommie was the one that almost threw up
when I did that chomping.
MOMMIE’S GLASS EYES
Every morning when Mommie gets up she goes in the bathroom and does what she calls, “putting my eyes in.” Then at night she takes them out again.
Around the house she wears these big hunkie looking things in front of her eyes.
It gives me what Mommie calls “the willies” when she does this. I try to imagine what that must be like. I am glad I have very good eye sight because
I can’t believe I would ever do something like that – poking my eyes every morning and night. (Shiver, shiver)
It is not a pretty sight when she drops one. She goes what I would call berserk. She rants and raves until she finds it. She has
to put on the glasses she uses at night to look for them. You know those little glass eyes (contacts) are really tiny. Fortunately she has only done that twice since I have been here. The first time she grabbed me and then looked me over to make sure I didn’t
have it hidden on me somewhere. The second time she more or less ignored me because she thought she knew where they landed. They turned out to be at least two feet away in the bath tub.
Mommie has two pair – one with green eyes and one with blue
eyes. I like the green eyed Mommie.