I HAVE AN “IN” WITH SANTA
When Mommie came home from town this afternoon she showed me a picture of her “kissing” Santa Claus. It seems the store had a promotion where they were taking random pictures of customers
While Mommie lingered over the makeup counter where a sprig of mistletoe was hung far above, Santa came from behind and grabbed Mommie in a real bear hug and kissed her warmly. Nice picture Mommie.
since Mommie has kissed Santa that means she can get whatever I want from him on Christmas. Right?
see: Make the Patches disappear
My own personal catnip ball
A puppy (I miss Sparky)
Uncle Tom reminded me that he fixed
Santa's sleigh last year when one of the runners almost fell off. So he, too, will have some say in what Santa will bring -- to me AND Patches.
THE CHRISTMAS CARD
Mommie and Uncle Tom decided to put a
picture of Patches and me on the Christmas card. That was some struggle!
Of course, Patches wanted to be the star. Since I had experience with Christmas cards before I thought I should be the star. We snarled and hissed at each other every
time Mommie tried to get a “pose” out of us. Patches just did his lolling thing in Uncle Tom's chair so Mommie decided to put Patches in the chair with me on the floor in front.
No way am I going to be seated below Patches!
Even if I have to make Mommie grumpy I AM NOT going to sit that way. Either I sit even with Patches or Patches can have the whole picture. (What am I saying???)
Mommie took a dozen pictures and then decided the only way to be fair was to
take a picture of me sitting in the chair and a separate one with Patches sitting in the chair, too. Then she “photoshopped” the picture to make it look like Patches and me sitting together in the chair.
Personally, I think
a generic Santa picture would have been much better.
THE CHRISTMAS TREE
Mommie brought her tree from Texas and she put it on her new fireplace. She and Uncle Tom decorated it. It looked nice.
year I learned that artificial pine needles hurt if you step on them wrong. After that lesson I was actually a good boy and did not un-decorate the tree. This year I intend to keep my paws off of it.
I was waiting with baited breath (I
heard Mommie say that) for Patches to learn his lesson too. Patches is pretty fat and can hardly do much jumping, but that decorated tree was too much temptation. He jumped on Mommie's chair, scrambled over the bookcase and reached the top of the fireplace.
He didn't step on any needles, but his last jump (thud) rattled the tree and it tipped over. He went flying off to the kitchen as the tree hit the floor.
When Mommie came home she saw the tree and looked at me. She remembered I was really
good last year so she went looking for Patches. He couldn't have appeared more guilty mostly because he had tinsel clinging to his neck and wound around his tail. She scolded him a little bit but she could see he was still trembling from the fright.
Mommie grabbed the tinsel from Patches and put the tree back on the fireplace. She is quite sure the tree will remain where it is supposed to. Yes Mommie.
Santa: Are you listening? I didn't even wish Mommie had punished Patches
with a smack on the tail or even one of her LOUD “talks”.
M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S !!!!!
Wow! Got some great presents. Both Patches and me got our own catnip ball,
one of those “hidden” mouse toys and special treats. I figured out the mouse thing right away. Patches is still enamored with it. (Any dummy can see that you are never going to catch that silly mouse anyway.)
gifts from Santa were: Patches got his own furry “skunk” which does tricks and his nose lights up when you squeeze it. It looks suspiciously like the one Mommie gave me which I hated.
I got this huge box which looked like
there could be a puppy in it. I was so anxious to get to it that Mommie helped me unwrap it. Inside was a note from Santa saying “Sparkles, I know how much you miss Sparky so I am going to bring you a puppy in the Spring. It is too cold for a little
puppy to be outside very long right now. Love, Santa.”
I danced around and around meowing “I'm going to get a puppy, I'm going to get a puppy, I'm going to get a puppy.” I know Patches understood what I was saying.
All he got was a stupid used skunk. I did feel a little sorry for him so I will let him play with MY puppy.
How did Santa get that skunk from Mommie? Hmmmm.
I'M A “REAL” CAT
Last week when the weather was at negative wind chill, I went out every day and hunted for my food and sometimes (well,most of the time) I huddled in the old dog house that had straw all around and did my 6-8 hours of afternoon sleep. I also
went out at night to play with some of the other cats.
All the while when I was outside freezing my duff off, that lazy, sissy, big, fat, pussyfoot,* Patches, lolled around in the house in front of the fireplace on his “special blankie”.
He has to go 10 feet to his water/food and 12 feet for his litter box. Poor Patches. On top of that his litter box smells awful. He leaves cigars while I only leave Tootsie Rolls.
We made up (sort of). When I come in we do this kissing
(ugh) routine. Then I go eat out of his bowl before I go to my special place for food and water and my own litter box. He actually sits and watches while I eat his food! What a Wuz!! Later I get to sleep on Mommie's bed and he stays put in front of the
I'm a real cat!
*Mommie: “Sparkles, can't you find any more adjectives to describe your nemesis”?
MOMMIE IS SICK
When Mommie came home from
the emergency room she said she had “shingles”. I thought shingles were on roofs. Apparently one must have fallen off onto Mommie's chest right below the rib cage and then slipped around to her back leaving a trail of red spots.
Mommie said Uncle Tom would have to take care of me for a couple days so she doesn't get worse. I like Uncle Tom but he treats Patches as if the world began and ended with him. So far he has been fair. I still get my own food, water, and litter
He is very quick to let me out when I let him know it is time to go out. He also lets me in right away when I come to the front door because he is afraid I will wreck the screen if he is slow. (He's right on that one!)
said she would be better in a week or so. After the ER visit Mommie was rather grumpy and growly. She said "Don't get me started on insurance companies....." What I think she meant, there isn't enough space on this page and the next
three pages to report her consternation and frustration with the insurance world.
For the last two years, Sparkles has been the center of attention. As you know, Sparkles disappeared right after 365
daily episodes had been written. After Sparkles disappeared Mommie rescued another kitten from the pound and named him PC (Pussy Cat, Puffy Cat, whatever).
For the last couple months new stories were written, supposedly belonging to Sparkles.
Well, these stories really pertain to PC. So, today, Mommie is changing PC's name to Sparkles. This means that all current and future episodes really do belong to “Sparkles”.
PC can never replace Sparkles, but he is a gem in
his own right. He is cuddly, soft and quick to play. The original Sparkles was much more laid back and not as aggressive. PC (now known as Sparkles) had a difficult path to follow. So he claims whatever he can as his own. He has been shuffled from one household
to another. And, now a big, fat cat, named Patches wants to take over. No wonder he is paranoid and wants to keep what he believes is his.
Mommie, thank you for dragging out all my “secrets” for the world to see. (Snarl of sarcasm.)
Just wait, Mommie, I know some things about you that you probably don't want the world to know. I will just tell Aunt Helen and she can write them down for me. Ha Ha.
I do LOVE you Mommie.
DID I SAY PATCHES IS LAZY?
Sometimes Mommie puts a video in the DVR and lets Patches and me watch TV when she is gone. It is usually a fish tank story where fish keep going round and round. But once in a while she puts in a cat/dog video where the cats outsmart the dogs.
(So, what else is new?)
Patches and I sort of make up so we can watch the videos together. We sit about 4 feet away from the TV, but we still have to look up to see it. Since the sound is really minimal we try not to snarl at each other
so we can hear the fish “speak” and the cats “laugh” at the dogs.
Wouldn't you know it, Patches discovered he can watch the videos lying down in Uncle Tom's chair. He doesn't have to sit on his haunches with his
front feet bearing most of his weight. He can loll around in the chair and see the videos without straining any muscles. I, on the other hand, actually exercise when watching these videos.
Uncle Tom said he loves Patches anyway, even if
he is a lazy bum (my term, not Uncle Tom's).