Mommie loves to go on trips. This time she took me. Ha ha Patches – you didn't get to stay in motel rooms and s-l-e-e-p on “interesting” smelling pillows.
Mommie asked for a pet room. I wish she would have asked for a cat room. She just shrugged her shoulders and indicated it didn't matter if it was a cat or dog room.
(Un)luckily we got a dog room. The cleaning crew must have missed the previous
occupant's dog's signature claim on the room. The pillow was labeled “pet pillow” and the dog didn't want any other dog (or cat) to mistake the pillow for anything but “HIS” pillow. If you get my drift (scent).
couldn't understand why I didn't want to lay on that thing. Apparently she understood that I was going to sleep with her anyway, so she made room – just like at home, but I didn't have to listen to Patches snore.
Mommie and Aunt Helen went to visit their cousin. His three boys came over on Father's day to visit. Mommie hasn't seen those kids in 20+ years – they were all grown up. In fact two of them had children – just my age (well, my playing
Both boys, ages 4 and 6, were really fun. They know how to treat a guest – ME! These boys know how to pet a cat really good. They also played catch with me. One picked me up and the threw me to the other. Don't tell anyone,
but I really liked it because I got to play with kids who aren't as slow and stiff as Mommie. After a while they got wild and the little one started to pull my tail. I just slithered away and crept upon Mommie's lap.
I was sad when they
had to leave but I was also t-i-r-e-d. After all I didn't get my afternoon nap. Boy, did I sleep good!
MOMMIE TALKS TO HERSELF
Yesterday Mommie took me to town to visit a friend. Since I have been a pretty good
boy, Mommie lets me ride in the trunk area of the hatchback. (Of course she has a screen between that area and the passenger back seat.)
I saw the State Trooper as soon as Mommie did. He came off a side road and followed behind Mommie.
All at once I heard this moan in the front seat. Mommie said “where is the car registration and insurance papers – in the glove compartment.” Next came “let's see I renewed my license last October – that ought to be good enough.”
She wondered “am I driving too fast or too slow. Does my car or license plate look like a stolen vehicle one?” Mommie was full of questions for herself. She even asked “Sparkles, do I look like one of the ten most wanted?”
(I had NO idea what she meant.)
I think I saw the Trooper pull off the highway onto a side road first. I never heard such a loud S-I-G-H in my life. Mommie was going to be OK. I love Mommie.
Just when I thought I had the upper hand in the cat department, an intruder shows up. And, he prefers Patches to me. He seems to pal around with that Patches and totally ignores me. (Mommie: “I think dear Sparkles has that green-eyed
look on his face.”)
Uncle Tom named him Loud Mouth because when he is hungry he comes to the front door and yowls. I never heard such yowling. Uncle Tom named him right. He will lick and play with Patches, but he spits at me.
I don't know why he hates me so much except I think Patches is trying to get even with me because I have declared that I am the boss in the house and Patches is jealous. Apparently Patches has been feeding him a line about all my bad habits. (I honestly don't
think I have any bad habits and Patches is just lying – Right?)
Of course I am the boss. Even though Patches weighs at least five pounds more than me, I tell him what to do and he does it. Once in a while he tattles on me, but most
of the time I am in charge. That is why it is so frustrating to encounter an intruder that I can't control.
I know the perfect solution: Mommie always says you can get more flies with honey than with vinegar. I am going out of my way to
be nice to him and hope that he will succumb to my charms. (Everyone always says I have lots of charm!) He is my work-in-progress for the week.
FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE
Mommie and one of her friends were discussing
a mutual acquaintance. Mommie said “our friend Joe really has a bad case of 'foot in mouth disease'. Do you know he said something to his girlfriend that he had promised not to tell anyone? Blah, blah blah. . . . “
I hope this
disease does not carry over to cats because I put my foot in my mouth every day. I LIKE to put my foot in my mouth. And, I haven't heard Patches or Big Mouth say anything bad about my habit. Of course, they could be talking behind my back and I wouldn't know
I wonder what the disease looks like when it happens. I put my sweet feet in my mouth every day because I like to wash my feet. It would be awful if I got it. Does it cause a rash? Does it itch? How long does it last?
many questions. I am going to have to trust Mommie that she will take care of it if I get it.
AN APPLE A DAY . . . .
Mommie has gone off the deep end – she is trying to get me to eat apples. Apples are
for mice, not cats. I don't care if she eats one every day, but not me. Even Patches has turned up his nose against the apples. Mommie says they are good for the body – maybe hers, but not my taste buds.
She keeps saying “An
Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away.” Of course, the doctor doesn't come to the house! So I guess she may be right.
I like to think “A Hiss A Day Keeps Patches Away.” Ha ha. Besides being a low-down snitch, Patches has bad
breath. Everyone wonders why I hiss at him. Its because I don't want to smell his horrible breath. Although the hiss does keep his bad breath away, it also gives me POWER. Patches is afraid of me!!!
Mommie you do your apple and I'll do
my hiss, OK?
YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG. . . .
As Mommie was saying the other day “You can't teach an old dog new tricks” about her friend who was trying to learn FaceBook. Mommie kept telling her
that she didn't have to be “friends” with everyone who asked her to be. The friend said she didn't know this Joyce somebody, but she felt she had to become her friend because another friend was friends with Joyce. (Huh?)
you can't teach an old CAT new tricks either. Sometimes not even OLD tricks. Several weeks ago Mommie got Patches and me a great new catnip toy. It is shaped like a small mouse and it wiggles its tail when it is shaken. She showed us where she had put it up
on the cabinet, as if to tempt us to get it when she wasn't around.
Yesterday Mommie rearranged the furniture in the living room. Guess what!! If I jump on the chair, then onto the end table by the chair and onto the back of the other chair
I can get to that toy. I tried my best to teach Patches what to do. Even though he is large he can still jump the couple inches needed to reach the toy. He didn't understand what I was trying to teach him. I guess I will have to get the toy for Patches when
he wants it. (After I am through with it first!)
Mommie: “I wanted to see how smart Sparkles is by purposely letting him see the toy and then rearranging the furniture. Guess I can't outsmart him. Poor Patches, I feel sorry for
him having to wait on Sparkles.”
Several months ago I had a horrible night in the shop. Well, it happened again. And, this time it was TWO nights.
I don't know what
I was thinking when Uncle Tom called for me to get out on Friday night. I guess I was so busy playing with Loud Mouth, I just didn't care. When Mommie came Saturday morning and then again in the afternoon, I was so far in the back I didn't have time to get
to the front door. Even when Uncle Tom called a couple hours later, I was still not fast enough.
Oh well, it was warm enough (and not too hot) and I was having a ball with Loud Mouth and a fast small critter – a fat little wood chuck.
We took turns chasing the little feller around the shop. Since there were two of us and only one of him, we finally got caught up with him.
Yummmm. He was good. Loud Mouth and I were wishing for a bowl of water though.
when Uncle Tom called again on Sunday Morning, I was tired enough to want to get out. Uncle Tom carried me to the house. Mommie was tearful and overjoyed. She told me later that she thought I had gotten eaten by some coons that come by the house and eat Loud
Mouth's cat food. She scolded me good – which I guess I deserved.
Mommie still cares enough about me to scold me when I need it!!!
STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES
and smell the roses.” Mommie is always saying that to her friend Zelda because Zelda goes 90 miles an hour, every day. Mommie says she can't appreciate anything if she breezes by and doesn't stop every once in a while to “smell the roses”.
In other words – SLOW DOWN and appreciate what you have, even the little things.
Me stop and smell the roses – NO WAY!!! The neighbor's dog comes over every so often and sprinkles “perfume” (and not the rose kind)
all over the lower branches of the rose bush. I can appreciate something other than the roses, thank you very much.
I like to stop and smell the snails as they crawl along the sidewalk. They have a very distinct odor which is not offensive
to me. I also like to stop and smell a mouse trail. Mommie's mice (although I don't think Mommie claims them) leave a great little pathway as they try to find a place where Patches and I won't find them. If they only knew!
I wish someone had told me that before I leaped into the cucumber patch. Patches and I were playing near the cucumbers when I decided it would be fun to leap (jump is more my language) into the patch. I stood on my hind legs
and sprang forward. Right onto a prickly pickle.
The pickles were so close together I couldn't find footing except on a couple pickles which had some tough prickles on them which didn't only tickle my feet, they HURT. Even though I have
tough little paws, they are very sensitive between the toes. And, of course, the prickles were spaced so they got between them.
Mommie saw me licking my sore paws. She actually found a little prickle in between my toes on my left foot.
She went to get a tweezer and then pulled out the little sucker. I learned that very valuable lesson – Look before you jump!
Pickles, prickles, tickles – I'm getting confused.
MOMMIE CHEATED ON ME
I don't like to spread gossip, but Mommie cheated on me.
I looked out the window and there she was - petting Loud Mouth. I don't know what she sees in that loathsome character. I am going to have to work on my purring because
apparently he purrs louder than I do. I haven't heard him purr, but if Mommie says he does, then I guess he does.
There she was rubbing his belly and cooing to him. Mommie coos to me too and I know exactly what each coo means. She was saying
the same things to HIM. Mommie actually invited that good-for-nothing old coot into the house. And, he came in!!! But as soon as he saw me he ran for his life out the door.
It breaks every internal rule I have, but I am going to have to
ask Patches for help. Patches doesn't like him either but for a different reason. Patches doesn't care whether Mommie pets him or not. All he cares about is his food. And, that slouch, Loud Mouth, ate all of the food Mommie set outside (he he). Sometimes Patches
uses the outdoor food for snacks. So now Patches is mad too.
Mommie suspected what I was going to do, so she decided only one of us could be outside with Loud Mouth at any time. She knows that Loud Mouth is bigger than me, but together
Patches and I could do a number on him.
I know Mommie loves me, but she is MY Mommie. Loud Mouth can't have her!